大家都說我無法跑中興又跑逢甲
我心裡為這件事情不停的煩惱 想辦法時大家都叫我放棄 已經沒辦法了
但任性的雙雙是不會放棄的 我無法 I can't, how can I?
最簡單的 就是放棄一個 跑一邊 待那邊
但這個決定我無法下定決心做 兩個我都很愛 兩邊都有好朋友 兩邊都有快樂 我到底該怎麼辦？
如跑系羽我會憂鬱系排，如跑系排我會憂鬱系羽，難道我大生盃就要這樣不開心對自己不滿足的透過嗎？
排球：有許多我大一的好朋友，加上我責任在排球場比較多：男排經理女排隊員，不忙才怪!
羽球：目前女單缺我（勉勉強強可以補，但這樣我也太對不起自己太對不起系羽的）加上羽球我比較強，勝利的機率幫忙抬起分數的機率比排球多
系羽看起來是很高興我決定參與他們 但我心裡不停著想... 大生盃女排的比賽好多好多，我們有機會上場的機率大概有百分之 90，如果這次學姊又要給我上場的機會讓我練攻擊，我如果得錯過我會很難過
我做什麼決定 都會難過
25 February 2011
107
They say Paris is the city for lovers, but never has a place made me feel so alone.
Sitting in front of Café Terrace, cupping a cup of café du lait between my red-mittened hands, watching the street light up slowly as the day gets ready for bed, and the moon begins to waken, I look round, and I smile. To any passersby I am waiting for someone. In my own mind I am not.
We were stars, gifted light by the candles of our confused hearts, in love and in trouble. The Parisian sky was supposed to be our home, our little cottage by the sea of constellations. The thing I loved most about being a star was the fact that we could shine anywhere, no matter how dark or how dismal, even if the clouds tried to drown us in their own grey misery, we burned bright.
And you, you no longer sit with me in Paris, because I know no matter how lovely our sky or how beautiful our home is, you won't come to find me. I wonder if you ever wonder. But you don't need to. I already have you, in a place you will never leave.
Sitting in front of Café Terrace, cupping a cup of café du lait between my red-mittened hands, watching the street light up slowly as the day gets ready for bed, and the moon begins to waken, I look round, and I smile. To any passersby I am waiting for someone. In my own mind I am not.
We were stars, gifted light by the candles of our confused hearts, in love and in trouble. The Parisian sky was supposed to be our home, our little cottage by the sea of constellations. The thing I loved most about being a star was the fact that we could shine anywhere, no matter how dark or how dismal, even if the clouds tried to drown us in their own grey misery, we burned bright.
And you, you no longer sit with me in Paris, because I know no matter how lovely our sky or how beautiful our home is, you won't come to find me. I wonder if you ever wonder. But you don't need to. I already have you, in a place you will never leave.
24 February 2011
106
The keys move in waves, up and down up and down the piano, pressed gently by dancing fingers, made to be soft and strong in all the right places. The piece is Frédéric Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptu in C-sharp minor, Op. posth. 66, written by a composer who was said to have hated the very sound of it. Like a tiny cathedral in the forest, the strings inside the Yamaha's wooden body sound their little bells, beaten by little hammers. Up and down, up and down, waltzing to the tune of a dream.
Gentle, pianissimo, your hand on my shoulder as you move my upper body to the stream of the melody. You push me straight into the sea of notes, as I find myself swimming in the very feelings I have sought to escape. It overtakes me like the smell of baby powder, and I am afraid to close my eyes, for fear that you will not be beside me when I open them again. I am asleep, but I am so awake. I can hear the sounds, I can see the keys, I can taste the fortes and pianissimos upon my tongue. But I can't feel you. You're right here, standing next to me, your soft hands cradling my hopes and nurturing the notes, but you are not real, you are not real. You are a dream, like everything I have ever dreamed of, like every little piece of a puzzle that will never become one.
The keys cease to move, the hammers cease to beat, and fingers cease to dance. And a heartbeat stops, short of the one thing it yearned for the most, the love I felt for this piece, for the piano, and for you.
Gentle, pianissimo, your hand on my shoulder as you move my upper body to the stream of the melody. You push me straight into the sea of notes, as I find myself swimming in the very feelings I have sought to escape. It overtakes me like the smell of baby powder, and I am afraid to close my eyes, for fear that you will not be beside me when I open them again. I am asleep, but I am so awake. I can hear the sounds, I can see the keys, I can taste the fortes and pianissimos upon my tongue. But I can't feel you. You're right here, standing next to me, your soft hands cradling my hopes and nurturing the notes, but you are not real, you are not real. You are a dream, like everything I have ever dreamed of, like every little piece of a puzzle that will never become one.
The keys cease to move, the hammers cease to beat, and fingers cease to dance. And a heartbeat stops, short of the one thing it yearned for the most, the love I felt for this piece, for the piano, and for you.
23 February 2011
105
我回美國我媽就說我一定要減肥 我爸說女生苗條才好看
唉 這是一定要的 不然以後更嚴重就更難減掉 開始
我今天中午吃了六吋的 Subway (6吋超難吃飽), 上完普生超超餓... 好難過 今天我決定不吃晚餐
同學們也太好了 吃飯前圍著我跟我討論減肥的方式 到最後決定聽胡仁恩的話 因為他減肥最成功
敬智和夏心怡都說... 6點之後就不要吃東西 （敬智有說 12 AM 之後就可吃了，但陳怡靜叫我不要理他，沒肥肉的小子... = =）還是乖乖的跟著這個好吧
我之夜如果 HOOT 的服裝穿不進 或如果要漏肚子跳（藍寶拜託你有點良心，如要漏保證你打死我我也不上台跳）我會哭 現在這樣想就好難過 所以要努力不要再吃了 ⋯ 本來我是打算一天吃一餐但這樣我大概受不了 也對身體非常不好
反正胡仁恩說：早餐午餐都要吃，晚餐不要吃但可以喝喝微糖的飲料補補糖分，另外飲料喝水或喝無糖飲料
今天晚上上國文看到大家拿晚餐進來我會難過
但要忍受 go!!
104
i'm so glad to know you all!
even if 心怡 and i don't celebrate your birthdays and are not good at posting your records on ptt
you guys still love us ... right? :)
perhaps a love note will come near the end of the season
but for now, 加油 and do well during 大生盃！
男排 02/22/2011
20 February 2011
103
meow
the minute i got back to my dorm back at 台大 (around 9 am yesterday) i put down my luggage, went downstairs for breakfast, called 怡靜, then went straight to 漁房 for dance and play practice. i spent the whole day there and didn't get back to my room until 11:00 at night. i unpacked both my suitcases, by which time i was running on extremely low energy reserves: took a shower and fell asleep at 12:15.
this morning i got up at 7:50, took a shower, had breakfast, prepped for 杜鵑花節, then went to 漁房 before 10:00 to get ready for dance practice and 杜鵑花節 rehearsal. rehearsal lasted until 12:00. i had lunch at 大一女 with a bunch of classmates, then went back to 漁房 for more dance practice. in the evening, i helped do the 大三 backdrop for their play. i came back to my dorm for dinner, then we worked until around 10:30. i came back to my room around 11 pm, which is about half an hour ago, and caught a look at myself in the mirror.
i have enormous panda eyes...
not like i'm complaining, i'm just really tired T_T
the minute i got back to my dorm back at 台大 (around 9 am yesterday) i put down my luggage, went downstairs for breakfast, called 怡靜, then went straight to 漁房 for dance and play practice. i spent the whole day there and didn't get back to my room until 11:00 at night. i unpacked both my suitcases, by which time i was running on extremely low energy reserves: took a shower and fell asleep at 12:15.
this morning i got up at 7:50, took a shower, had breakfast, prepped for 杜鵑花節, then went to 漁房 before 10:00 to get ready for dance practice and 杜鵑花節 rehearsal. rehearsal lasted until 12:00. i had lunch at 大一女 with a bunch of classmates, then went back to 漁房 for more dance practice. in the evening, i helped do the 大三 backdrop for their play. i came back to my dorm for dinner, then we worked until around 10:30. i came back to my room around 11 pm, which is about half an hour ago, and caught a look at myself in the mirror.
i have enormous panda eyes...
not like i'm complaining, i'm just really tired T_T
18 February 2011
16 February 2011
101
15 February 2011
100
I've done quite a bit of shopping since I've been home... and for good reason, I guess! In the past week, I've bought more clothing than I usually buy in three or four months' time. I've been stocking up, I might say, on spring and summer clothing, so I won't be pulling my hair out about what to wear when hot weather rolls around. I didn't stress too much for winter clothing, but I have to say my winter wardrobe is extremely small, so I basically alternated the same few pieces in different combinations every week. It was not too exciting...
I've found shopping in Taiwan to be extremely inconvenient, not to mention extremely stressful on the pocketbook... how can a shirt—a camisole, for that matter—cost $35.00 (thirty-five, I say, thirty-five!) and be on sale? It doesn't make sense to me! Not even if you're imported from Japan, why do you play so incredibly hard to get?! So after describing the horrors to my mother, we decided we would do all my shopping in the States, while I was here. Thus the eleven pieces of clothing I brought home today: all were only from two stores in the mall. I guess it'll all fit in the end, considering I never shop for clothing in Taiwan (and frankly, don't plan to anymore, at those prices).
My cousin has also decided it is time for me to begin wearing more elegant, refined pieces of clothing: in conclusion, we're dropping the jeans and sneakers deal, and trying for something more extraordinary! I'm definitely up for it; I've been waiting for this for a while now. She is one of the few female cousins I have that I'm truly comfortable with, so I'm never opposed to her fostering my education on makeup, on fashion, and on dressing up. So while shopping in 高雄 was so expensive, it was still a good start.
P.S. happy hundredth post!
I've found shopping in Taiwan to be extremely inconvenient, not to mention extremely stressful on the pocketbook... how can a shirt—a camisole, for that matter—cost $35.00 (thirty-five, I say, thirty-five!) and be on sale? It doesn't make sense to me! Not even if you're imported from Japan, why do you play so incredibly hard to get?! So after describing the horrors to my mother, we decided we would do all my shopping in the States, while I was here. Thus the eleven pieces of clothing I brought home today: all were only from two stores in the mall. I guess it'll all fit in the end, considering I never shop for clothing in Taiwan (and frankly, don't plan to anymore, at those prices).
My cousin has also decided it is time for me to begin wearing more elegant, refined pieces of clothing: in conclusion, we're dropping the jeans and sneakers deal, and trying for something more extraordinary! I'm definitely up for it; I've been waiting for this for a while now. She is one of the few female cousins I have that I'm truly comfortable with, so I'm never opposed to her fostering my education on makeup, on fashion, and on dressing up. So while shopping in 高雄 was so expensive, it was still a good start.
P.S. happy hundredth post!
14 February 2011
099
不想放棄的感覺 微笑帶著走這條路
有時我不認識我自己，也不知我到底目的地在哪 想要當個溫柔的人嗎？但為何我總覺得溫柔的人不會表示自己的意見不顯示自己的感受 那種生活我受得了嗎？總要記住 沒有人是完美的
我這樣在台大如此的快樂，周圍的朋友都相處的很好，運氣好會來到生科的家庭
但我好想知道我的缺點 我哪裡得改進
大家都對我好好 我回家只有美好的回憶和我爸媽分享
有這麼完美嗎？一到新環境生活 可以如此同化 如此和大家這麼好相處嗎？
怎麼感覺 一定要有相當的摩擦 才可以說是真正的快樂⋯⋯？
不可能 不可能 不可能
說不定我錯了 說不定我們就是這樣相處大家都快快樂樂
但我的缺點 我的缺點！我好在乎我的缺點！我需要知道 我需要知道
我從小最大的遺憾 就是永遠覺得太遲了，太遲了 改不過，改不過
沒想到我還早的很呢, 18歲算什麼啊？
13 February 2011
098
I went to UC Berkeley yesterday to visit my cousin and my best friend.
My uncle dropped me off at the Fremont BART station at 8:56. I didn't think I'd be able to catch the 9:00 train, but in the end, I did. I've never really observed until now how shady the BART can be, so I hung onto everything with both my hands, and kept the paper bag with 鳳梨酥 for my cousin on the seat next to me, to avoid anyone sitting next to me. A woman did, anyway, to which I had to snatch the bag out from under her at the very last minute!
My cousin met me at the station and took me out and onto the campus. We wandered around...
To start off, my cousin took me to the top of the Campanile (Camp-ah-neelee) or Sather clock tower for a view of all of Berkeley. You can see the Golden Gate from the top, which is amazing :)
And after an amazing view, onto the food. Of course there was lots of food to enjoy! Honestly, both Hanson and Elizabeth didn't really know where to take me, except to eat, so we didn't do much besides walk around and... well, eat! That day, I ...
1. had lunch at Zachary's with my cousin, a deep-dish pizza restaurant that's won over a hundred "best pizza" awards. We split a small pizza and each chose what went on one half of it: my cousin ordered a meat-lovers, and I ordered one with artichoke hearts (mmm, my favorite), mushrooms, onions, and pepperoni. Unfortunately I was a tad hungry at the time the pizza came, and didn't think to take out my bulky camera to take a shot of it :( It was very good, but to my surprise, I couldn't even finish three slices ... suppose my food intake has gone down since I've been living in Taiwan?? :O
2. had C.R.E.A.M! It's a bit like Diddy Riese in UCLA, where you order two cookies and ice cream, and they make it according to the flavors you want. I didn't get a picture of this either! It's a shame, because it was terribly good :(
3. Crepevine, as you will see...
After four, five hours with me, my cousin sent me to the East Asian Library where I met Elizabeth and started my three hours with her. She and I went to Crepevine for crepes! I was still full from C.R.E.A.M and Zachary's, so I watched her eat instead of getting one myself. The crepe contained strawberries, bananas, with a side of French vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. The ice cream, which I couldn't resist taking a bite of, was absolutely delicious.
To this day, I have still not tried Yogurtland. Every time my friends and I went near one, I was either too full, too cold, feeling guilty about spending money, or we didn't go in at all. And actually, this isn't Yogurtland at all... it's actually Yogurt Creations, which Elizabeth and I passed by while aimlessly wandering down Shattuck Avenue. I needed to use the bathroom, and was in the mood for froyo, so... went in, got some, and used the restroom when I was done. ahaha. This particular "creation" — strawberry tart yogurt with kiwi, strawberries, peaches, and sprinkles — turned out to be very good.
Cheeseboard Pizza Collective is one of the most famous pizza places in Berkeley, with a couple of catches: 1. you don't order your pizza; they have one kind a day, and bring it to you when it's finished, first come first serve; 2. pizzas contain no meat or sauce. It's a bit bizarre, but I didn't get the chance to try it. The pizza shop is located right next to their cheese shop, which (as you can see from the menu) contains hundreds of different cheeses for your perusal. Definitely a spot to check out if you're ever in Berkeley!
Chez Panisse is the restaurant to which Elizabeth introduced me. Two catches, as usual: 1. you have to make reservations two months in advance (!!), 2. the menu is organized in advance, by week, so you never know what you're going to eat when you go there. Each dish is an average of seventy dollars... for that kind of money, it must be pretty darn good. Maybe one day, when I'm actually making my own money, I'll take my parents here.
Open space. Open space! Organized traffic! And even better, an actual sunny day!! It's what I missed most about home, and about California :)
Reunited, at last! I've been waiting to see you for so long... thanks for the Berkeley shirt and the few hours we spent together, and for skipping your CS discussion to spend time with me :( now that you've shown me Berkeley, it's time for me to show you NTU ... when you come here, whenever that may be ;)
My uncle dropped me off at the Fremont BART station at 8:56. I didn't think I'd be able to catch the 9:00 train, but in the end, I did. I've never really observed until now how shady the BART can be, so I hung onto everything with both my hands, and kept the paper bag with 鳳梨酥 for my cousin on the seat next to me, to avoid anyone sitting next to me. A woman did, anyway, to which I had to snatch the bag out from under her at the very last minute!
My cousin met me at the station and took me out and onto the campus. We wandered around...
To start off, my cousin took me to the top of the Campanile (Camp-ah-neelee) or Sather clock tower for a view of all of Berkeley. You can see the Golden Gate from the top, which is amazing :)
And after an amazing view, onto the food. Of course there was lots of food to enjoy! Honestly, both Hanson and Elizabeth didn't really know where to take me, except to eat, so we didn't do much besides walk around and... well, eat! That day, I ...
1. had lunch at Zachary's with my cousin, a deep-dish pizza restaurant that's won over a hundred "best pizza" awards. We split a small pizza and each chose what went on one half of it: my cousin ordered a meat-lovers, and I ordered one with artichoke hearts (mmm, my favorite), mushrooms, onions, and pepperoni. Unfortunately I was a tad hungry at the time the pizza came, and didn't think to take out my bulky camera to take a shot of it :( It was very good, but to my surprise, I couldn't even finish three slices ... suppose my food intake has gone down since I've been living in Taiwan?? :O
2. had C.R.E.A.M! It's a bit like Diddy Riese in UCLA, where you order two cookies and ice cream, and they make it according to the flavors you want. I didn't get a picture of this either! It's a shame, because it was terribly good :(
3. Crepevine, as you will see...
After four, five hours with me, my cousin sent me to the East Asian Library where I met Elizabeth and started my three hours with her. She and I went to Crepevine for crepes! I was still full from C.R.E.A.M and Zachary's, so I watched her eat instead of getting one myself. The crepe contained strawberries, bananas, with a side of French vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. The ice cream, which I couldn't resist taking a bite of, was absolutely delicious.
To this day, I have still not tried Yogurtland. Every time my friends and I went near one, I was either too full, too cold, feeling guilty about spending money, or we didn't go in at all. And actually, this isn't Yogurtland at all... it's actually Yogurt Creations, which Elizabeth and I passed by while aimlessly wandering down Shattuck Avenue. I needed to use the bathroom, and was in the mood for froyo, so... went in, got some, and used the restroom when I was done. ahaha. This particular "creation" — strawberry tart yogurt with kiwi, strawberries, peaches, and sprinkles — turned out to be very good.
Cheeseboard Pizza Collective is one of the most famous pizza places in Berkeley, with a couple of catches: 1. you don't order your pizza; they have one kind a day, and bring it to you when it's finished, first come first serve; 2. pizzas contain no meat or sauce. It's a bit bizarre, but I didn't get the chance to try it. The pizza shop is located right next to their cheese shop, which (as you can see from the menu) contains hundreds of different cheeses for your perusal. Definitely a spot to check out if you're ever in Berkeley!
Chez Panisse is the restaurant to which Elizabeth introduced me. Two catches, as usual: 1. you have to make reservations two months in advance (!!), 2. the menu is organized in advance, by week, so you never know what you're going to eat when you go there. Each dish is an average of seventy dollars... for that kind of money, it must be pretty darn good. Maybe one day, when I'm actually making my own money, I'll take my parents here.
Open space. Open space! Organized traffic! And even better, an actual sunny day!! It's what I missed most about home, and about California :)
Reunited, at last! I've been waiting to see you for so long... thanks for the Berkeley shirt and the few hours we spent together, and for skipping your CS discussion to spend time with me :( now that you've shown me Berkeley, it's time for me to show you NTU ... when you come here, whenever that may be ;)
10 February 2011
097
Okay, I have to admit, Disney Channel Original Movies beat any of the junk they have today ... because the current Disney Channel and Cartoon Network have sent my childhood into a barrel of flames. I remember watching Cadet Kelly when I was ten or eleven, and even my mom liked it. I rewatched it today (thank you, Youtube!), and it's not half as extreme as I remember it to be (after all, it's a military academy) and it's funny, how extreme and intense things appear to you as a child. It's Disney, how strict and rule-book can you get? :) Anyway, reliving your childhood is always a wonderful experience, and I still love Cadet Kelly.
Anyway, my 哭點 is lower than anyone (I mean anyone—you can't beat me if you didn't sob like a baby during Lilo and Stitch) and I did cry during this :( I have tissues surrounding me /sniff sniff sniff and it wasn't even that bad. Christy Carlson Romano (Jennifer Stone) is beautiful though :( ♥
Anyway, my 哭點 is lower than anyone (I mean anyone—you can't beat me if you didn't sob like a baby during Lilo and Stitch) and I did cry during this :( I have tissues surrounding me /sniff sniff sniff and it wasn't even that bad. Christy Carlson Romano (Jennifer Stone) is beautiful though :( ♥
09 February 2011
096
Home, home, home. Ah, having my own room, it feels so good.
On my first day back, I didn't anticipate doing much, but I actually ended up going back to my old high school to attend badminton tryouts and to visit my 學弟妹. I was sorely disappointed with the performance and efficiency I observed (five-hour tryouts, single elimination, up to seven points, have you considered the fact there is a USHAP midterm tomorrow ...) ... but well, that's not something I can control; my time here has ended! But best of luck to you new captains, I'm sure you guys will be fine, if only you can get your coach to listen to you. I wish Kota was back to help you guys >.<>.<
Tomorrow (today, I have jet lag okay) ... shopping with my mom at Valley Fair (陳冠宇如你要什麼今晚是死限喔) and then ... idk. Sitting at home is rather uneventful, because all my friends are in school, but what matters is that I'm home. I'm going to Berkeley this Friday to see my cousin and Elizabeth! kerker 期待 : )
06 February 2011
095
我明天就要回家了⋯⋯
一開始好興奮好興奮 現在卻緊張的不得了⋯⋯
想到看到我媽媽和我弟 想到看到我舅媽舅舅和表哥 想到看到我從初中的 best friend, 想到這些我好期待但同時也好好緊張喔⋯⋯不知道他們會有如何的變化 不知我家鄉過了四個月有如何的改變 不知我媽和我弟這四個月來兩個在美國 家裡會不會有任何改變？要回家從來沒有這麼陌生過 以前來台灣是度假 現在台灣就是家 美國聽起來像是陌生冷漠的地方⋯⋯
Going home hasn't ever felt this strange before! I hope not much has changed ... my family, my best friends, my house. All the same, I can't wait to be back. Now, to mentally prepare myself for a 12-hour flight ... in all honesty, I used to love flying when I was small: it seemed so exciting, so exotic and fascinating. I even loved the food. Now, it only gives me major headaches and urges to throw up, and I usually don't eat one meal out of the two served during the flight because I just need to sleep off my headache. Motion sickness runs in the family, and I guess I got most of it from my mother. Off to pack and then sleep! See you all ... on the other side.
02 February 2011
094
大家... 新年快樂!! 希望大家除夕過的豐盛快樂平安健康～～
屏東好無聊喔 ㅠ ㅠ 但這不意外 每次來我真的沒什麼事做⋯⋯只好宅著電腦看電視類似的 我要堅持 還剩四天欸 幸好有網路，雖然慢到蝸牛都贏得了它（光寫這篇就花了將近一個半小時 = =）不然我有可能就得讀五天的法文小說 大QQ 感謝天地！ 其實目地是來陪陪奶奶姑姑他們的～ 但同時我也跟他們聊不起來啊⋯⋯如果不是問功課就開始唸東唸西 教我怎麼做個優雅飄逸的 young lady T^T 那我也就沒辦法了 反正我現在剪短髮當個優雅少女的機率也不大了 XD
沒差啦 我現在要到樓下和堂姐表哥玩大富翁唷 之後再上來看看相機宅電腦⋯⋯881 ^^
1038pm »
我表哥回到家對我說的第一句話是 “你變胖了對不對!" 我整個囧掉 我堂姐馬上說你很機車欸幹嘛第一句就說這種話！但雖然我自己知道我胖了很多，這是人家第一次對我這樣說⋯⋯結果我就上樓開電腦，開始比較照片⋯⋯
我
的
老
天
爺
真的差非常
非常
非常多⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯
哭哭哭哭哭rz⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯
崩潰 (不是說我，是說磅秤)
我不敢了，真的不敢了 OTZ 哭哭哭!!!
把話收回來 我不敢回美國了 我媽和我舅媽舅舅一定會說話 我會大哭⋯⋯⋯⋯
093 那篇我現在看到崩潰 我太爛了 拜託大家原諒我 OTZ
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