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I'm here, swinging in and out of equilibrium.
when I came home this evening, this is how I thought of today:
I'm noticing that the time I spend feeling down is slowly beginning to surpass the time I feel happy. it is a fact that I have every bit of potential I need to achieve the goals I've set for myself this year. but the fact that I'm not applying myself and not realizing how serious it is for me to keep my promises is turning the time i spend happy into a gloomy stupor.

delia told me that coming to college was a blank slate. I feel like I've already scratched it up and left traces of chalk along the edges, and school hasn't even been in session for a month yet. it's been three weeks, and I wish I was back at the starting line.

after pondering, you will be surprised how things can change:
yet at the same time, while I swing in and out of confidence, I am slowly doing my best to nurture the new personality I promised I would bring here. this afternoon, I was in one of my gloomy, stormy weather moods, one that my closest friends can recognize. when I ordered my lunch, the woman forgot I ordered, and people who came as late as ten minutes behind me got their food before I reminded her that I ordered. on top of a thoroughly confusing chemistry class, I was frustrated when I walked up to my room and there was a girl standing in middle of the hallway. in my head I wanted to tell her to get out of my way because everything felt so against me at the time ... of course I didn't!

I sat in my room, eating lunch, and I thought what a stupid thing to think: a hallway is for everyone, it's not for you. there are twenty-four hours every day. I can choose to spend them happily, or I can choose to waste them on anger and brooding thoughts. I can choose to appreciate what I have, or complain about what I don't, and forever feel unsatisfied. I can choose to take out frustration openly upon others, or I can choose to take a few deep breaths and slowly let out the steam, in small bursts, until I feel better.

nothing's ever as bad as it seems! it feels overwhelming at first, as everything new and uncertain and alien does, but in the end, I am still blessed, and I will appreciate that... because, as 品淨 would remind me, every day is a SPLENDID day! : )

我們大家一起加油吧!!