092

English version coming soon… (crossposted from rhyming)

DAY ONE:

我們傍晚才到了中壢車站 有點累但同時覺得如果不去夜市逛一逛也有點可惜 所以到了旅館把東西放下之後就出發到夜市去～ 路上遇到一家滷肉飯坐下來吃吃飯 再去夜市買小吃一路走著慢慢吃 也很不錯啊 =) 在夜市遇到李奇展林柏澄系羽的大一同學 我決定跟著他們走回旅館開系羽的會 開到快 10：00，我就和信瑤，意青，和酸子走到車站回旅館 唉發現桃園晚上蠻可怕的 ⋯⋯ 都有夜店人喊我們 “同學要去哪裡啊？那時羽球拍嗎？” 對啊，是羽球拍，用來揍你的 = =” (繼續走!)

DAY TWO:

5:50 AM 就和雨珊爬起來坐計程車到中央 到了羽球場還不到 7:00 雨珊打了第一場羽球就跑到排球場去了 女排第一場對中山醫 雖然我不在場聽說是電爆了！我打完 9:20 的羽球點 (vs. 清華) 我也就趕到排球場去了 發現女排到四點都沒比賽我就回了羽球場 又打了一場 vs. 中山醫 這場比較難但女生的問題（包括我）都一樣：腳步不夠快, 如果要跑前場後場就馬上累了 但因為這位女生很喜歡打到我一個腳步就碰得到的地方，我就直接把球送到她打不到的地方（假如吊球之後馬上舉長球到後場）打得挺輕鬆的！

下午女排對的對手我忘了 : ( (抓頭）反正贏了～勝利！！：）

我們也同時發現女排的裁判對台大非常好 甚至是偏心～ 有一球我們打過去其實是 OUT BALL 但裁判還是評 IN! 還有一球中興打過來是 IN 的但裁判評 OUT. 超好笑 XD 小蟲有時會觸網都不會被抓 但中興一觸網就馬上被吹哨那分就是我們的！小蟲有被裁判警告過但沒有被抓 裁判還在我們打贏之後給我們意見欸！！！他們對我們超好的！！！

DAY THREE:

女排 vs. 中央 and 中興

中央第二場 小冰叫我過來 說我要上場我嚇到了! 我竟然有上場的機會?! 我瞄了分數看到我們已經拉開了算很穩 小冰要我打 #2 攻擊我也嚇到了 一個學妹打二號攻擊學姊們竟然這麼信任我?!

結果我就上場了⋯⋯ 一開始都是學姊在叫我跑這裡跑那裡，因為我沒有上場的經驗有點笨手笨腳的. 結果雪怪終於找到機會舉二號給我⋯⋯我機會就來了 我雖然緊張學姊還有在旁邊加油的學長都大聲喊 “雙雙敢打，敢打！！” 所以我就跳，用力打下去⋯⋯結果我攻擊過了，中央也接不回來，就得分了!!! 天啊我竟然攻擊得分欸!! 學姊們都過來圍著說雙雙好球喊加油 我心裡好高興好高興 第一次幫忙得分的感覺 實在太棒了！當然第一次還是會失誤啦～ 我第一次發球太緊張了 結果就卦網 還有一棵球其實很有攻擊的機會我還是不敢 就害怕地用墊得送過去了 但學姊圍著說 No mind, no mind! 我也就安心冷靜下來了 慢慢打⋯⋯當妳在場上的時候，你會開始不在意分數了，反正每一球都慢慢打，一球一球來，慢慢爬到你要的分數！

到了中興那一場 小豹學姊到了 我剛好在後面跟怡靜一起撿球 小豹突然叫我過來 叫我熱身 待會兒讓我上場⋯⋯天啊，學姊竟然讓我上第二次欸！第二次我還是打二號但這次我信心比較好 我就比較敢打 就看舉球員給我的機會⋯⋯ : )

聽到學姊們喊 “雙雙好球!! 加油喔!!” 聽到旁邊男排學長與女排學妹都給我 thumbs up 讚 和幫我加油 我心裡好感動⋯⋯ 我來到生科盃完全沒期待我會有上場的機會，沒想到學姊會給我這麼多機會給我進步的能力 我真的好高興這次能夠和大家一起上場⋯⋯我會一直不停的進步加油的!!!

可惜這也是男排 A 隊和 B 隊 out 的那一天 : ( 好心疼喔 但台大生科男排還是最帥的 我還有留下很多照片當紀念喔！！！

這天我羽球只打了一場 vs. 中央⋯⋯蠻順利的，對手不太會回我的長球 所以我很容易就殺下去了⋯⋯同時也不想要電到哭，所以有些就不殺慢慢打 但我沒有非常小心發現我到最後還是讓對方爬到 7 分 = =

說真的我羽球沒有多強 只不過比平常系隊的程度稍微高一點點而已 大家都會說我電爆人家但我真的沒有想像中那麼厲害！I do my best : ( 所以打生科盃大家都說我會把對手電爆 我也不是故意的啊⋯⋯我有時真的不知要怎麼打才好：我覺得我如果殺太多球會看起來很自大但我並不想表示這樣的態度 所以我如果不用殺來得分我就不殺 害怕把對方電哭（慧詩說我要小心不要把他們逗哭 XD)


DAY FOUR:

當然就是最精彩的一天咯！冠亞賽，羽球打冠軍賽. 女排第一場對慈濟 （陳怡靜表示：吃素的這麼可以吃的這麼胖啊… 其實我也蠻好奇的）但我已經有預感我們會贏 因為慈濟輸給中興但第二天台大女排有打贏中興. 慈濟那場我很像也有上場，但不是打攻擊 我在後排就幫忙接球 有一球是接扣 結果我太急了就送過網了 好囧喔 = = 我要記得慢慢來 每次都會太急 到最後打贏了！

我女排和羽球的冠軍賽有衝突 我想請清華給我換點 他們竟然不換!!! 我也沒理由對他們客氣 結果我比賽的時候已經 11 AM 了 女排 11 開始打冠亞賽 我很急也同時超氣清華害我錯過女排冠亞 所以我就盡量打得非常快 隊長慧詩學姊說我這場可以電爆人家 甚至電到哭都沒關係 所以我臉上掛著臭臉 不讓對方 殺球就殺得很兇 每次成功就大喊一聲欸! 到了第一場的下半場我突然發現清華完全安靜下來一個加油都不喊了 很像是不敢出聲音吧？清華看線的評審也看起來很害怕 有一球如果沒有好好看清楚會評 IN 的 結果我就用殺氣的眼神看著他 XD 結果我看他也有點嚇到就評 OUT. 到最後分數 21 - 5, 21- 1. 不是那女生的錯，但同時心裡真的好生氣 我已經非常努力兩邊都跑兩邊比賽都要到 你們竟然不讓我換⋯⋯就電爆吧。

打完握手就馬上衝到旁邊換鞋子戴上護膝 馬上往外跑要趕上排球賽 到場發現他們有延賽（清華對慈濟很像有到第三局）所以還有時間休息. 冠亞拖到 11:55 才開始，我覺得我還是需要在排球場幫學姊們加油 所以我就跟彭湛傑說我沒辦法打羽球冠軍賽，慧詩說沒關係，但我心裡還是非常的難過⋯⋯

打中興分數開始拉開了，學姊們也都非常穩 小冰就派我上場了！我有打一次攻擊但沒有成功（有過去但中興有墊回來）也 OKAY 啦～ 我會慢慢進步 ^^ 到第二場就贏了 女排（和羽球！！）是生科盃的冠軍！！！！！好棒好棒喔！！！

回到宿舍就只有我一個人 囧 我好累但又好高興 覺得這三天的收穫好多 又非常的滿意
謝謝學姊學長們的建議和支持 我感動到快哭了～
真的好感謝你們對我的信心還有你們的鼓勵 我以後會更用功

大生盃馬上就要到了！！！加油咯！！！

091

I got to the fish room at 8:15 to get the volleyballs for practice. The elevator doors opened on the fourth floor and I found myself facing an entire circle of badminton people, stretching and warming up. It was by far the most embarrassing and awkward experience of today. As soon as the doors opened, there was silence. I stepped out and slowly weaved around them and headed for the door, not saying a word. Some people said hello, and I said good morning in return, but it was not a pleasant encounter. Their faces read... "why aren't you practicing with us..." and my face read "........ I have volleyball."

It baffles me, why I choose volleyball over badminton, when badminton is clearly my stronger point. I might never get that answer, no matter how much I love badminton. In a way I am being extremely foolish, by focusing all my attention on volleyball, when there's almost no chance I'll make it onto the court this year. But if I don't focus and get better now, how am I going to play on the court in future years? I think it's because I find that I improved a lot in the few months that I've been playing volleyball. I'm the only freshman who can attack at the net, though I only attack twos, and successfully pull an overhand serve to the backline, and that's partially my incentive to keep going.

On the other hand, I've played more than four years of badminton, two of which I spent as varsity captain. My basic technique and skills are therefore stronger than the rest of the team, and that's not something I'm afraid to say. I can't spend so much time on something I've already mastered, when there's so much to improve on another sport I'm dying to play. I haven't been the best at communicating this to the badminton team, and they've been really understanding this entire way... but there's really nothing I can do at this point. I'll be there at the tournaments, and I'll play my hardest at every single game, but as for showing up to practice, any practice that conflicts with volleyball will not be a possibility I can consider.

090

One of my friends at 台大, 賈媛, is in America right now. This photo was taken by her. She flew to Detroit from San Francisco not too long ago. Looking through her pictures, especially the ones she took at Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, Monterey Bay Aquarium, even UC Berkeley! makes my heart ache for home. When I flew to Taipei in September, I thought I would never miss California. I was so sure, so convinced I could never think of a place I have known for eighteen years of my life. I had even planned beforehand not to write "going home" but rather "flying to California" on my Facebook status when I go home in February.

Like so many of my ABC classmates who deem Taiwan "home," I was so sure I would not miss what I left. But I was wrong, I was so wrong. No matter how much you are sure you won't, home is home, and you'll miss it, no matter how much you disliked it to begin with. I love Taipei, but I love San Jose, no matter how boring, how uneventful the city is. I love it because it's home. After being away for four months, I would not be the least bit surprised if I burst into tears when I land, I miss home so much. And to heck with what I thought beforehand, I'M GOING HOME. I'm going home in two weeks. I'm going home in TWO WEEKS!

089

今天真的是非常難過的一天

就算有心裡準備，還是一樣會嚇到 特別是大一劇 喔真的沒期待今天會挨罵成這種樣子 從劇的剛開始就發現藍寶連看我們一眼都不看 只看著電腦 滑鼠的卡卡聲音不停住 害我好害怕 結束時，上台 cycle / 學長出意見時緊握住陳怡靜的手 輪到藍寶說話時我們手越握越緊 藍寶說我們一驗的程度比今天程度還好 說我們很離譜 就知道會這樣 但我們還是越縮越小 不敢回答 整個教室一片安靜 沒人敢亂動

說嚴重了啦 但被學長罵我心裡真的好難過 大家都說 “並不是針對你啊” 不是，沒錯，但是針對大家 我們大一劇是靠團體精神養起的 我們的責任要一起分 這個不能推到別人身上啊

另外當然是課業問題 我不會說非常仔細 雖然這是我今天哭而最難過的原因 但意思都一樣 到最後 就是要專心 這是逃不了的事 也是我的責任 跌跤一次，好，站起來繼續往前走 記得千萬不要再跌一次了 寒假開始吧 Only you can save yourself.

排完之後我肚子非常不舒服 也不是因為吃壞的關係 全身無力好脆弱 很久沒有肚子痛到受不了 那時我連站起來都很痛 不能亂動不然就很痛 大概是因為今天加上另外的心事才會這麼難過 到最後我根本沒有勇氣面對藍寶說我無法練舞 到最後是江奕賢幫我講 我就沒有去 寫完陳俊宏報告交到他實驗室之後就回宿舍躺下來慢慢康復 現在好多了 但心裡還是一樣的難過

難過不會解決問題的 但不待表我就不用難過

088

Mixtapes are a lot of fun to make :) I haven't made one in a while, so here we are! I've been listening to many ballads lately, especially Korean ones. When the mainstream k-pop world gets overwhelming, the softer, more mellow sounds are the way to go.

小祕密
korean pop, ballad, soundtrack, electronica

01 Arrietty's Song / Cécile Corbel
02 너무 그리워 (Miss You) / S.M. The Ballad
03 因為愛 / 韋禮安
04 Tell Yourself / Clazziquai Project
05 오늘 헤어졌어요 / 윤하 (Younha)
06 Love Love Love / Epik High
07 너무 아픈 이말... / 알렉스 ＆ 지선 (Alex and Jisun)
08 랄랄라 / 시크릿 (Secret)
09 8282 / 다비치 (Davichi)

listen » http://8tracks.com/mixes/217821

087

Being back in Taipei, back to busy city life, with street lights shining bright, people everywhere, is a good feeling: all of a sudden, time seems to move faster. Two days away feels like an eternity, and even though my dorm is less comfy than my room back in 新竹, it's still good to be back with my roommates and my friends.

I can't believe I'm going home in two weeks. I think I'm pretty sure (if I get it past my mom) that I'll be going to Los Angeles (洛杉磯) for a few days to visit friends (Claire, Dexter, and Kasey, specifically) at USC. It's exciting! I've never gone to SoCal by myself before, but my dad says I can fly down if I want. I can live with one of them too, which means I can go to class... taught in English! /big gasp!

086

Gosh, I'm really post-happy today. I guess part of it comes from being home alone all day today. I'm going back up to Taipei tomorrow morning... to 1. turn in two term papers 2. go to the post office with 夏心怡 3. visit my 阿嬤 4. have 下午茶 (afternoon tea) with 17 家 5. dance practice in the evening. Tomorrow should be a fun day. Self-reminder: remember to buy a moleskine from 誠品 when you get back to 台大 tomorrow.

In other news:


music charts | week of 01/16/2011

I enjoy the fact that Cécile Corbel has accumulated 129 plays in my library over the course of two short days, and there are much more on my iPod. 借物少女艾莉媞實在太好看了喔喔! 久石讓 is Joe Hisaishi, the brilliant composer who did the scores for virtually every Studio Ghibli film out there. I listen to his music when I need to wind down, and in a sense it's good homework music, when you like to have something in the background to calm you down and help you stay awake, minus lyrics and a singing voice in your ears. As for SNSD (#2)... it's all HOOT. I'm actually kind of getting tired of it, just like I kind of got tired of Oh! after a while. I missed Clazziquai Project, I randomly found one of their albums in one of my folders when I was doing some clean-up today and it was wonderful to hear them again.

Not being in Taipei makes me feel entirely out of the loop of B99 activities again. It's not like me to not be where all the hustle and bustle is. I miss you guys, and I haven't even been away two full days yet. What am I going to do over summer vacation?! Thank goodness sophomores plan 宿營 and we have to see each other lots over summer... otherwise, I'm sure I would go crazy without people to be wacky with.

085

Oops, I forgot to blog about this.

Tianmu (天母) trip, 01/16/2011


Photo by Peter.

It's an on-going joke in our major (at least among the freshmen) that Cathie (詹愷欣) is our ‘公主’ or princess. She lives in 天母, which is the more "countryside" area of Taipei City. At least, the amount of people on the MRT gets noticeably smaller as we get closer to 天母. She's been offering to take us there for a day trip for months now, and we finally got to do it, on our very first day of winter vacation. The plan: lunch and a movie. Sounds like a date! Unless, of course, you go with nine~ten other people, in which case, third wheels everywhere!


On the MRT on the way there. From left: 胡仁恩，孔祥珂，黃馨儀，詹愷欣，雙雙. 霍魯恩 is missing, but that's for a good reason. I ought to post a picture of that haircut. Photo by Peter.


We had pasta/pizza for lunch, in a charming little basement restaurant, and it was delicious. What was originally deemed "too much food" no longer held true when 黃怡諶 joined us at the table ... and it soon became "just right!" One of the funny jokes behind this picture is the spoon. 孔祥珂 asked 黃馨儀 to get her some of the gratin, and she did—only, she left the spoon on her plate by accident, and in her hunger, 孔祥珂 accidentally ate her share with the spoon. Everyone asked "Where's the spoon?!" and all of a sudden, everyone's eyes were on 孔祥珂, the spoon halfway in her mouth, and going ... “嘎?”


It's no Paris cafe de terrace, but it's a successful and cute recreation. Wines, that we obviously couldn't afford. Photo by Peter.

After lunch, we went out to walk around before the movie. It was rather chilly, but thankfully, it wasn't raining, which made it much more bearable.


Photo by Cathie.

After walking around for a while, stopping in a cafe to buy cheesecake sticks (awfully good!), not really knowing what we should do, 孔祥珂 was suddenly halted in her steps by a sign in a cafe window that read "草莓牛奶 (Strawberry milk): 60 NT!” For $2, that's not a bad offer. So we went in, sat down, and called ourselves "歡樂天母吃吃團” because we found that all we'd done during the day was eat.


Look at the hair!!! Anyway, not the point, moving on... (Photo by Peter)


And... bam! Cream puff! Looks good, doesn't it. The strawberry milk, disappointingly, came in plastic containers and weren't exactly ideal subjects to photograph. I do remember that they used fresh strawberries, though, which made the milk really tasty!

After that, we went to a movie at 新光三越. One of the best things about Taiwanese movie theaters is that you can bring food from outside in to eat. Surprising to me, a person who's hidden Jamba Juices and other food items in her suspiciously large bag to sneak into the movie theater for years. So first, we went to the Seven across the street to buy popcorn: they pop it for you once you buy a pack. Taiwanese Sevens are awesome.

Cathie has good taste... she chose 借物少女艾莉媞 (The Borrower Arrietty) which is Hayao Miyazaki's newest film. I think most of us agreed the movie had the aura of Miyazaki's older work, the same feeling as Totoro or Castle in the Sky. All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed it, to the point of tears... and of course, no one understood why I was crying. The guy was really cute, okay!

Our princess left us at the bus stop to go home, but a few of us decided to continue... so off to 士林夜市 we went!


Photo by Peter.

Food, Doraemon sweaters, and getting lost included... we finally decided to go home. On the MRT on the way back, we shared stories of our experiences with the priority seats on the metro.

Overall, it was a wonderful day together, a perfect way to start winter vacation. Thanks 愷欣 for being our tour guide... and here's to the memories we keep on creating!

084

訂好了!!!

2/7 要回美國! 2/18 清晨飛回來台灣 回到台灣 2/19, 意思說我調時差有個週末的時間 其實也還好啦 我上次回來幾乎一點時差都沒有 就還不錯 :) 現在還沒確定但有可能到美國會跑一趟洛杉磯 去看我在 USC 讀書的三位好朋友 當然會遇到錢的問題 但我總會抱著希望 真是有夠興奮啊～

我回美國需要做的事情／想去的地方：

• BERKELEY: 當然就是去看我親愛的 wifey 咯 :) 已經四個月沒見面了 快想死你了
• OAKRIDGE/VALLEY FAIR: 天啊 好想念美國百貨公司 逛街時沒有台灣 SOGO 或新光三越的壓力 真好 加上如果你們要我幫你們帶一兩件衣服 也順便去幫你們看看
• ALMADEN LAKE: open space! 在台北大都市熱鬧有趣，但少了新鮮空氣，總覺得我沒地方好好呼吸 回家就是個好機會深呼吸
• VISITATION: 親人當然每個都要看到 加上我得去探望邵伯伯的墳墓 節衰
• COSTCO: 我在台灣都沒機會去 Costco 好好逛逛!!! 算了 回美國去逛吧
• LELAND/中文學校: 當然要去看看我學弟妹咯～ 去看看學生報紙主編和羽球隊長們 希望他們不會讓我失望 =P 接下就是去探望我老師們 喔喔

雖然我在美國只有十天我時間需要好好善用因為我有好多事想做 當然這不是完整的計畫 我想到就會來這個 po 文加 難的回美國一趟 竟然回來台灣讀書 回美國的機會減少了非常多 就得好好保握唷！：3

083

Oh man, yesterday. The last day of finals, but most of us were done and kicked off our winter vacation. In the morning, the cast of 大一劇 met for our first rehearsal (specifically, practice, since none of us have our lines memorized yet).

In the evening, we ordered four pizzas and about ten of us ate it in the fish room. I ran to 85 C after the meal and bought a cake, which was our dessert! Around 8:30, 李奇展 proposed that we bike to 碧潭 together. It sounded like a good idea, especially because most people didn't have anything to do, so we set off on our bikes, fourteen people total. It ended up taking an hour to get there along the bike route, and I realized by the time we got there that we were at the edge of 新店, which can be considered the edge of Taipei City.

The ride there was interesting. A few bullet points:

• 彭湛傑 ran into someone by accident on the bike trail, which ran him into 讚哥, who ran into Peter, who instinctively lept off his bike onto the grass next to the trail. HAHAHA
• 陳怡靜 was singing as she stood on the back of 敬智's bike, and 章魚 passed by, and gave her a look of surprise, which elicited a “章魚，靠背!!!” from 敬智 囧
• When we stopped to take a break and wait for people riding behind us, 敬智 and 怡靜 stepped off their bikes. It was raining a bit then, so 敬智 immediately reached behind her and pulled up her hood. Of course, this was caught by most of us, and most of us deemed it “真甜蜜!!”

And then, we got there! Under the beautiful Christmas lights, on a bridge that crosses a beautiful lake... it was a beautiful scene. If you're a couple, out with friends, if you don't hold hands or PDA, it's a terrible shame.

So of course, Petrucci and 怡靜 started holding hands as we walked across the bridge, and even so when we stopped for group pictures. For the first time, they weren't afraid to hold hands in front of us or even walk arm in arm across the bridge.

But of course, we had our share of fun while they were in their wonderland. When they lagged behind us, 許哲綸 looked at us, then pointed ahead and shouted "OH LOOK, WHAT'S THAT?!" and all of us were like "OOOOOH!!" and started running ahead, off the bridge, to purposely leave them alone. We planned to hide, but they were already off the bridge by that time and giving us looks, so we had no choice but to keep walking with them. On the way back, they were walking in front of us, instead, so people in the back started pairing up, walking arm in arm, and pointing at the sky, going "Oh, look, what's that?!" "Oh, it's beautiful!!" "Oh, it's marvelous!" and they looked back and gave us looks again. Hilarity ensued! 怡靜 took one look at everyone, then let go of 敬智, ran to me, and said "Karen, I'm walking with you!! Let's go!!" and I shrieked with laughter and told Petrucci to take her back!!

After walking to 7 to buy drinks, we walked down along the river, along a string of rather expensive-looking restaurants. We sat down on benches near a Japanese cuisine place, and of course ... our favorite couple was holding hands and leaning heads on one another, a priceless view. Since the rest of us felt obligated to leave them with a quiet place to have a date (come on, you can't help but feel like you're on a date in a place as romantic as 碧潭!!) so we all left, quietly, one by one, down the stairs.

They didn't notice us. Not even when 許哲綸 yelled “林敬智，我們先走咯!!!!!!” back at them. Not a peep! So we got back to our bikes, got on, and left. I sent a text to 怡靜 before I set out telling her that we were leaving first and to be careful on the way back.

It was a long, hour-long ride back to 漁房. In addition, 讚哥's bicycle broke down near 永福橋 and 彭湛傑 took him back on his, while rolling his bike along the side.

When we got back to 漁房, there was a note on the freshman table. It read...

Impossible! How could they reach 漁房 before us?! Turns out, they took the MRT back ... and got back not long before us. Currently, Mr. Petrucci's bicycle is still at 碧潭!

What a wonderful night. I rest assured that I am always happy when I am with you guys. 生科真是個溫馨大家庭!!!

Anyway. The happy couple is not the point of this post, obviously, it's this wonderful girl... named 孔祥珂!

Dear 孔爺! None of us can truly stomach the fact that you're going to be leaving us next semester. I speak for everyone when I say 生科 will not be the same without you. Your presence has brought so much laughter to 漁房, so much happiness (and disgusted looks, sometimes from me, but you know I love you, I do) and you've brought life to our major in ways we never could have imagined. I've never seen you upset, you always have a marvelous way of showing nonchalance and a cool head in everything you do, and I deeply admire your composure and your warmth with everyone you come across. It's no surprise you're everyone's favorite, and when you leave, I'll have tears in my eyes just like everyone else. Thank you for all you've brought to us, thank you for the memories. Please come back to visit and GOOD LUCK with 重考醫科～ I wish you the best in all you decide to do in the future, but please don't change too much. You're wonderful the way you are (as weird as it sounds!) and we can't wait to see you again. Best wishes, and sincerely yours,

台大生科 B99

082

winter break means more time for creativity

and also more time for the sweetest girls ♥
can't wait to go to 桃園 with you guys in two weeks, squee :)

081

It's amazing—and frustrating—to me how easily I crack under stress. I bring it all on myself by choosing to take on all the activities offered to me, then I literally almost kill myself every time when the pressure of all of them becomes too much to balance with my studies. This is a problem with having broad interests. I want everything, and I want to do everything well and perfectly. But it's not perfect, it's far from it. This is also a problem of having a leadership streak. I love leadership, but I stress myself out and panic and bring too much pressure on myself. Consequently... does that mean I'm not good at anything?

Family has also been extremely stressful lately. I just found out that my dad is planning to move back to California, which means I'll be in Taiwan alone, if you don't count my relatives. The idea of that is not new to me, but extremely scary. I am upset with myself for not visiting my grandparents, and I really need to do that. I just feel like everything is equally important, but everything conflicts with one another and ends up pushing me to the edge of tears.

I try so hard to keep smiling, I really do, but even today I couldn't smile very much anymore. I've been bottling this for a while, and all of it is my fault, from beginning to end. I don't know what to do except do better, but how? This is a really complicated feeling to explain, and I know I didn't do a good job of it, but in short... life is difficult for me (#firstworldproblems) because I try to do everything and want everything.

Sometimes I need to learn how to let go.

080

非常不想說這句話... 但拜託這不要代表我桃花爛好不好 ＝ ＝ （淚）說得太肯定很有可能但我還有什麼方法來評論你對我的態度?! 我很崩潰內... 我也不知要怎麼對你了 也不能說你煩 但你真的有一點欸!!! 雙雙生氣

碰巧每次你跟我打招呼都是打岔我跟別人的對話 或我正忙碌時 這不能怪我啊!! 每次都說我不理你 問題是如果你真的看不出我很。忙。你也太白目 我也沒辦法了 接下來我真的不想理你了 我覺得我自己對任何人都很公平 如果想找我想聊天 我一定願意 會很細心熱心跟你聊 聊什麼都好 但你也要選對時間啊 周圍有三個人同時在跟我說話 我真的有辦法全不理 而停下跟你說話嗎？

還有 關於在我塗鴉牆上留的言... 我 更 崩潰

：／ 是什麼啦？！ 拜託你如果有話要說 直接一點可不可以 我真的不介意直接話 我自己是非常直接的人 因此我對拐彎抹角的人最沒耐心 雖然我開始慢慢學會控制心事感情你也不夠格把我耐心推到崩潰邊緣 － －..............

079

喔賣嘎...

我今天回到宿舍開 PTT 看排球板

看到花男有 REPO 我寫得文章 結果我點進去看

看到內容好嚴肅好兇... 我真的嚇壞了

我覺得沒有這麼嚴重

而且...

我們竟然是球經 這些應該就是我們得處理的

不然我當球莖有什麼意義呢？

是我的錯 真的非常對不起

禮拜天晚上陳冠宇把承儒學長的報名表給我

昨天我把承儒學長的報名忘在宿舍 接下來就開始讀微積分就忘了!

但昨天我和夏心怡真的有把我們所有手上的報名表交到櫃子裡

雖然... 有很多隊員跑來跟我說要補交照片，或還沒交報名表

我也不能說什麼 就說喔，沒關係，你還是盡快交給我好了

沒想到會變成這麼嚴重的事 @_@

花男拜託你不要生氣... >_< I'm really, really sorry.

078

In all my deepest desires and wishes, I could never ask for more time.

So.

Six hours of calculus in a decently productive study group and I still feel like I absorbed/reviewed absolutely nothing. Why is my life always this unproductive? Thursday. We're all pushing for Thursday. After Thursday and the chem final is complete at 12:10, we're all unstoppable. Unless you start thinking about choosing classes for next semester, 杜鵑花 and 大一劇 rehearsals, winter training, and term papers for biology. Home, that is, California, seems so far away, a distant memory, even though it hasn't happened yet. I don't even know. I feel like my life is forever on edge, I'm never good enough for anything I decide to do, and all my dreams conflict with one another.

It is confusing. People around me, whether they be friends or family, have so much faith in me, and they've made so much effort to tell me I can do it, I can do it. Yet the only person who doesn't have any is myself. I need to believe in myself. Believe that I can do all the things I want to do. Believe that I can be the person I so desire to become. Believe that I can do better than this, that everything is worth the fight, that nothing is worth giving up. Failing is not falling. Failing is giving up. I will not fail. I might not have succeeded this time, and even though the fall is taxing on my pride, my heart, and my willpower, nothing will stop me from getting up, brushing myself off, and doing it again. Until I get it right. Until I succeed.

Go.

077

today,

- chemistry lab final in the morning. ten minutes before the test started 敬智, 胡仁恩, and I all had our cell phones out, calling people who lived in the dormitories who were likely to oversleep. I called 林志豪 (the person who overslept his last chem midterm...) after Peter told me to call. I called five times, but when I gave up he walked right in -_-

- after the final, 女九 for lunch 好久沒吃自助餐了!

- 張敦偉 tried to hop 賈媛's bike when the two of us were biking to 女九. 賈媛's too nice to say anything, but she was going "啊，不要啦，我們只不過要去女九而已啊..." and I looked ahead and it was not ten meters away from us. You can walk! In the end he had lunch with us, but he wanted a ride back to 漁房 afterwards and I was just like ......... I can't take you -_- in the end, I lent him my bike and 賈媛 gave me a ride back. /sigh

- I saw 林柏澄's girlfriend for the first time today, albeit a back view. He kept telling me not to come over, but I went anyway, to steal a look. She's actually very pretty :) and he said he'd tell her I said that.

- after 賈媛 gave me a ride back, I walked to 公館 and met 何閔, 夏心怡, and 陳偉民 at the MRT station, and we went to 北車 for 31 冰淇淋 :) Baskin-Robbins in Taiwan is so much better, I tell you, albeit more expensive. APPLE SHERBET. You can't get much better than that.

- came home with 何閔 because 夏心怡 went back to 附中 for her 學妹. took a nap because 何閔 kept predicting I'd fall asleep -_-; then my dad called and said he'd arrived in Taipei.

- went to dinner (刀削麵) and then 湯圓 at 台一 with my dad.

- came back to my dorm. and I'm currently working on this darned lab report.

:)

076

rant

PO 大一女板的同學，你們鬧夠了沒？一天到晚只看到 1. 抱怨 2. 暴怒。你們有這麼閒嗎？如妳對任何同學的 “公德心” 或 “生活習慣” 有什麼意見，妳先好好反省妳自己的習慣。別覺得妳的是完美的，住宿舍會遇到各式各樣的同學，每個人都有個人生活習慣，妳介意別人的，說不定別人也介意你的。如果是提醒大家說洗衣籃要記得擺在洗衣機旁邊類似的，當然是合理的。但小事情妳都無法忍受，例如在走廊講電話太大聲等等，這可以好好講，一定要公佈到板上罵人嗎？有任何效率嗎？ 妳有任何意見，妳就好好有耐心講，要有禮貌：有禮貌什麼都可以講。但別覺得妳打兇兇的文章公佈給大家看人家就會聽妳的：妳只不過把妳暴怒顯示出來給全世界看，引起唯一的注意就是妳是個很愛把注意轉移到自己身上的人。PTT 不是妳的部落格。不要把妳自己的暴怒擺在一個公開板讓全世界知道妳有多麼的 !!!生氣!!! seriously, if you're going to be rude about it, no one cares. 妳爸媽是怎麼教妳的？妳想要什麼，周圍的人都應該停止配合妳嗎？簡直是嚴重公主病。

妳自己反省自己的習慣，再來介意別人的。如果周圍的人願意忍受妳的習慣，妳也該好好想一想，妳要不要回報人家的耐心？別的同學，除非有直接影響到妳，妳沒有全力管，而且也不夠格去批評她們。別人歡樂在房間可以輕輕敲個門請安靜。一樣，有禮貌什麼都可以說，我們也會很配合。但別覺得在你們最吵鬧的晚上我們不敲你們門代表我們不介意。我們願意忍受，不然去別的地方讀書類似的。妳願意嗎？想一想。

Nobody's perfect. And that includes you.

Also, to someone else:

Can you stop with the whole "You're always ignoring me!" business? I'm really tired of you tapping my shoulder out of nowhere and me looking up, seeing you, and about to say hello -- only to have you say "Why do you ignore me all the time? I know you saw me." What the heck is that supposed to mean? What if I didn't? Sometimes you catch me at a bad time when I'm talking with someone else or am busy with something or someone. I can't help but ignore you, not on purpose, to take care of what's at hand first. I'm not going to drop everything so I can speak to you unless you have something pressing to tell me. I apologized to you for this once, because both times you said hello to me both happened to be times when people were trying to get my attention for a pressing matter. I'd love to chat with you, if that's what you desire, but when I'm not caught in the middle of something. It's common courtesy, isn't it, to say hello, and I do, when I see you. What do you want, a profound, deep conversation every time I see you on a street corner? If this is going to happen every time, I really will ignore you next time, because it saves me a world of trouble to have you come up to me instead so I can end the conversation quickly. If you're joking, it's not funny. You ruined my morning with that comment in the hall today, I'm sick of accusations that are not mine. And honestly, I never have any conflict at anyone here; we get along so well. I don't want you to be the one I can't get along with. Can you stop? I'm quite annoyed with your behavior recently.

075

Peter posted a Facebook status tonight that said...

Oh boy... new gossip? On Facebook, no less? It's not what you think, though... click 'see more!' And it turns out like this...

I like his name, obviously. :)

He IMed me shortly afterward and said it was such a shame he didn't tag me, because so many people clicked like. I told him to repost it (kerker 我找死啦) and he said okay, I'm going to post flower man next! Inside joke, really ... for those who don't know, I'm not going to say, either. It's rather embarrassing. Then, it turned out...

Wonderful. I can see myself banging my head against the wall in the near future, and not because of finals. Now off to study. Thanks Peter... I guess XD

074

今天上完微積分 在新生大樓樓下和陳怡靜，夏心怡，黃馨儀會合
決定要去吃飯，但完全不知要吃什麼
所以我就先載陳怡靜回系館 回系館的路上我們聊得超開心 一路笑回去 最喜歡陳怡靜了 : )
陳怡靜說好久沒跟我吃飯了，今天一起吃吧！

結果回到漁房發現林敬智在大一桌打電腦

同時，江卓安問我有沒有要回宿舍，她想借我床來睡個午覺

在跟她商量時，就看到林敬智和陳怡靜在講話 結果他們就慢慢往漁房門走了...

陳怡靜轉頭問我，雙雙，要不要吃飯啊？

我看他們兩個同時回頭看我 我去簡直就是當討厭電燈泡不是嗎？

“唉，你們去，你們去 （揮手）快走，走走走！”

林敬智：靠背!!!!!!!!!!!!

陳怡靜：笑 XD

結果就走了! 看吧，你們兩個... kawaii des!

太 好 笑 了

到最後我就載江卓安回我宿舍 他現在在我頭上睡覺 我在寫國文作文

要專心了！

073

New Year's Eve with NTULS99

To my dearest friends, my second family, my home:

When I am with you guys, there is nothing more I need. I'm surrounded by laughter, by happiness, by a drive to succeed, by love. You guys have changed my life, in one short semester, in so many ways. You've taught me that there is so much to love in life, if you only have a little patience, a big heart, and the right perspective. I've learned to see things a different way, to let my true colors show, to find joy in all that I do, and look back with no regrets. In my lifetime I never thought I would have the fortune to be this happy. I give thanks for every waking moment I spend with you guys, because each and every memory we create is priceless to me. For your never-ending support and friendship, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you for being such a wonderful family. Happy new year～