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It's amazing—and frustrating—to me how easily I crack under stress. I bring it all on myself by choosing to take on all the activities offered to me, then I literally almost kill myself every time when the pressure of all of them becomes too much to balance with my studies. This is a problem with having broad interests. I want everything, and I want to do everything well and perfectly. But it's not perfect, it's far from it. This is also a problem of having a leadership streak. I love leadership, but I stress myself out and panic and bring too much pressure on myself. Consequently... does that mean I'm not good at anything?

Family has also been extremely stressful lately. I just found out that my dad is planning to move back to California, which means I'll be in Taiwan alone, if you don't count my relatives. The idea of that is not new to me, but extremely scary. I am upset with myself for not visiting my grandparents, and I really need to do that. I just feel like everything is equally important, but everything conflicts with one another and ends up pushing me to the edge of tears.

I try so hard to keep smiling, I really do, but even today I couldn't smile very much anymore. I've been bottling this for a while, and all of it is my fault, from beginning to end. I don't know what to do except do better, but how? This is a really complicated feeling to explain, and I know I didn't do a good job of it, but in short... life is difficult for me (#firstworldproblems) because I try to do everything and want everything.

Sometimes I need to learn how to let go.