029

For the past few days I've been getting a lot of red, itchy spots over my arms and legs. Consider it chicken pox, except inflated. Some of them are swelling, and I guess it's safe to say they're splotchy and gross and bordering on a rash. Some nights I wake up and my entire body is screaming agony because they itch so terribly. By the looks of them, and by the rules of logic, they don't look like mosquito bites to me, especially because I spent the majority of the past weeks in long sleeves and long pants. So, what other possibility is there...?

I like to think I keep my living space clean. I dust, I sweep, and I wash everything regularly. But this rash is indicative of something in my dorm, on my bed, near my desk, that I'm allergic to... or something that I haven't been doing a good job of keeping clean. The latter possibility makes me really sad, because this would then become something I'm scared to tell on a blog, considering the fact that it then becomes a hygiene problem. But really, I have no idea what it could be! I think I'll go to the health center on Monday to get it checked ..

Also, I finally killed a second mosquito last night. Considering it was 1:20 AM, I scared my roommates when I slapped it against my desk... and I apologized and explained how I'd been wanting to kill it (and its friend(s)) so badly for the past two days. I am convinced there are more in there waiting for me when I change or put on shorts to go shower.

♫ 바라보기 / IU

028

今天。。。
好好玩 （又來了）
中午上完普生 我們一群就一起出去吃飯～ 吃甘醬義大利麵
結果發現我們拖太久 因為今天也又慶祝章魚 + 承勳的生日
趕回系館結果已經快切蛋糕了 QQ
發現一個蛋糕太硬切不了～ 結果我跑回宿舍拿鐵刀
收到李奇展的電話說大家都在等我 那時我就開始用跑的 T T 回到系館好喘
啊我們大家聚在一起總是快樂 =)
下午上體育課 無趣的體操。。。但也上得蠻累
上完體育課 和章魚＋林敬智＋詹凱欣 去排球場 在雨裡打排球喔
看起來像一群呆子在雨裡打球 但我們玩來玩去玩得好開心 恩恩我好愛排球 : )
結果發現國文課取消，高興極 回宿舍拿環保筷先吃飯再說，
結果竟然睡著?!?!?! 李雙你這是哪招
回漁房讀化學沒讀到多少結果一堆 b99 回來 就聊起來了
後來跟林柏澄 ＋ 霍魯恩 ＋ 江奕賢去公館吃宵夜/晚餐 啊啊挺快樂的
吃割包喝 3E 飲料
現在回到宿舍該讀書了！

每天都好快樂 發現周圍的人開始變成熟悉的朋友
有溫暖的感覺 真幸福 ♥

027

今天和林柏澄去活大買飲料，打電話給江奕賢問大家想喝什麼飲料，結果聽到的響聲是韋禮安的 “因為愛” ... 不知道為什麼聽到這首歌我都會很想哭，而且我有印象我有次聽到真的哭出來。

因為愛，所以愛

珍惜在一起的愉快

一分開，你不在

懷念空氣裡的對白

因為愛，所以愛

讓我付出我的關懷

不管風吹或日曬

我才明白一切都是因為愛

站在十字路口，等待一個永遠不會來的你，是心懷最痛苦的故事。

p.s. 我這個禮拜要回新竹家 ... 禮拜六上完中文就會出發，所以我週末也不會在漁房出現 ... :)

026

今天和我爸爸講 Skype

他說我媽媽生病了
媽媽連起床都起不來 講話也只能安靜的講 甚至連話都說不出口
我好擔心 雖然這不是第一次發生，因為我媽媽本來就是體力沒有太好的人 我第一次聽到媽媽起不來連話都說不出來
我也聽的出來爸爸也跟我一樣擔心

我最擔心的不是媽媽的健康 我是害怕沒有人在家照顧她
我弟弟今年功課非常忙 幾乎沒時間沒辦法處理任何不屬於功課的事
他每天在學校 早上誰幫他準備早餐？我弟弟不太會做家事；而且，誰幫我媽媽準備東西吃？我弟不但是不會，他根本也沒有時間。這點我倒是忘了問爸爸。

還有更多
爸爸說這個禮拜去看我奶奶嚇了一大跳
因為我姑姑要回泰國，我爸爸要回新竹，我奶奶心情不好
結果奶奶竟然假。裝。中。風。 就是 我爸姑姑問她問題她都不回 回都是怪怪的回應
結果隔天就好了 ?!?!?!?!
哇我聽了快崩潰了 我奶奶竟然還用這招。。。。。。。。。。。我真的無話可說。

我掛斷候真是難過。。。
結果我室友聽到我和我爸的對話 問我是怎樣。。。
結果宸儀也非常貼心 就主動問我要不要替我媽媽奶奶禱告
低頭閉上眼睛聽宸儀禱告
禱告完 宸儀說上帝的幫忙和愛是沒有條件沒有限制 需要就會幫忙
她說得話 我好感動 聽了都快哭出來了


神，拜託你，一定要保護我媽媽 讓她康復回復體力 不然我現在那麼遠我也不能回家照顧她我會非常擔心

同時，拜託你，給我力氣，讓我讀書有力有決心，讓我保持健康的生活習慣不要讓我爸媽操心


(eh, translation coming later... too tired to write it now.)

025

It's 3:30, and I can't sleep. Or more accurately, I tossed around feeling troubled for half an hour, then got up and gave up. Some say it's not wise to go to sleep angry or frustrated, so I thought I'd get up first, calm down a bit, and go back and try again. I met Claire online by chance and we just finished Skyping, though I was talking in whispers most of the time... thankfully & hopefully I didn't wake up my roommates in the process, in which case I would be extremely sorry.

Talking to her made me feel much better, because hearing the familiar voice of a friend I have known since second grade is the best consolation I can have. Thank you for listening to me vent about something so trivial and comforting me to help me calm down, it means so much ♥ Keeping in touch with my high school friends is hard, but when we do contact and chat and reconnect, I feel so happy!

Ah, I have class in about six hours. Since I'm feeling better, I think it's time to go to bed and try again. Thank you again, Claire! I miss you.

024

>:(

I am annoyed with you. I'm trying to help you. If you don't want me to, I will drop everything and leave you alone. But I will never be able to tell if you don't tell me anything. There are no strings attached. It's what I would do for any other friend. But are you one?

Maybe I put too much heart into the moment when it comes to things like this. In the future, I will back off and back down. Because you very obviously do not want my help.

Fine.

023

hrm... I feel like writing something comprehensive, but I have a feeling that it's going to come out as word vomit. Soooo, some things I want to say to certain people, I guess. Anonymous, otherwise the purpose is defeated!

1. 加油，你一定做得到，要有信心喔 如果需要幫忙 我扶你 不要太擔心 ：）
2. (hug hug hug) 我愛你！♥ I love you and I will stand by you.
3. I miss you, and I wish we could talk more :( I want to hug you. I wish you weren't so far away.
4. My dad advised me to let go of the anger I feel towards you. In the end, it's never worth it. Given my personality, it's hard for me to let go.
5. 看到你我就會開心起來 ：）一定要快樂喔！
6. You are beautiful～ you are beautiful! Sarang hae yo ♥

What a random post.

022

any way you want it, that's the way you need it!



anyway

today:
it rained. and rained some more.
i came to 漁房 this morning and found out my chemistry textbook was locked in my locker and i had no key. i totally blew up (not intentionally) at 林柏澄 and was like GARFHSDLFHG DO YOU KNOW MY TEXTBOOK IS INSIDE !!! >:( hehe sorry 大雄

i had a 巧克力鮮奶油鬆餅 from 小木屋 today after lunch and i ate it too fast. this is how i get fat.
肥皂哥哥是蝦咪啊 keke :) 不要擔心形象啦沒事的

in the afternoon i had to do my chemistry labs alone
i forgot to wash my lab coat after i spilled my 便當 on it last week... hello, big orange stain on the bottom right hand corner. slightly embarrassing but whatever!
i have to say it was really scary coming to class and realizing my partner wasn't coming (i could have sworn he said the week after next... 嚇了一大跳)
昱雯 pinched a mosquito off my face before class, but now i have two big bumps near my forehead and i am sad. taiwanese mosquitoes won't leave me alone!! i thought they'd lay off now that winter is around the corner...

i had 炬烤 for dinner! with my roommate + 心怡 and 怡靜 :)
and i fell asleep at 7, intending to get up at 8
i woke up at 10:30 and i was like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
my roommate had just walked in and when i sat up she gasped and ... stared at me.
it was awkward because i'd just woken up and wasn't half awake yet

day one, complete. let's go!! 加油加油

021

When you start using Chinese every day with everyone, and English surfaces once in a blue moon... (Even Delia and I use Chinese when talking with one another)

...you start to realize all the things you know how to say in English that just don't come out right in Chinese. For some reason, I've been stuttering a lot lately, and sometimes the words don't come out in a full, smooth sentence. Lately, when people talk to me on MSN I'll read the message and think ... wait. what? *reads it again* and I STILL don't understand it. Today I was talking with one of my classmates and it was the first time I've ever said "I don't understand your Chinese..." and then I re-read it... and still didn't understand! I knew every character and what each character meant, but my brain just wasn't processing it correctly.

This evening 品淨 asked me to help her with a listening exercise, and the words "metadiscussion" and "sub-argument" came up. First off, what the heck is metadiscussion? : ( Should I be ashamed that I had no idea what it was... [edit: a discussion about a discussion. Awesome.] I found it hard to explain to her what the text was saying, and thankfully, being a 外文 major, she could understand some of the English words I had to substitute in my explanation.

Something is wrong with me : ( 如果來讀台大中文要夠好啊～ Mom made me review all those proverbs and read more Chinese texts before I came to Taipei for a reason... so I definitely cannot stop here. Go go go ~ 保證我中文一定會進步 加油雙雙 妳可以的

020

GAH I AM BLOGGING THIS EVERYWHERE IT IS SUCH A GEM
this (fan-made) music video is making me crazy IT'S SO GOOD
FU 超讚的 哇噻 從來沒看過這麼讚的韓劇 MV 而且是 FAN 出的



AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I AM OUT OF BREATH.
it is rare to see the fangirl in me come out like this nowadays. GAAAAAH ♥
if this doesn't convince you to watch 原來是美男 / You're Beautiful,
then I'm convinced that nothing else will.

ghsldkfjgahdl;kjghalsdkjfbnslfdkjf ahhhhh ♥
我瘋掉了 哇噻哇噻哇噻～～～

019

today was awesome. quite possibly the best day I've had at NTU thus far. despite the fact that I got home past midnight and a few accidents... I actually really enjoyed today. looking back, it was a buttload of fun.

• after sleeping at 3:30 AM last night I can't believe I dragged myself out of bed at 8:15 AM ... willingly (not exactly, I had to finish my lab report) and I didn't nap at all today.
  
• 9:10 - 12:30 生物實驗 (bio lab) we were the first ones to finish! 愷欣 and I ran into 小綠賢 on the way down from 405 and I decided to stay back and wait for the rest of the crew to finish.
  
• 林敬智 and I won the bet on how many pages 水壺男 would write for his lab report >:] fifteen pages. we are awesome. give me five! hey guys, you owe us drinks!
  
• 12:30 - 3:00 lunch @ 女九. 奇展 and I played the staring game, but obviously, I lost. laughing is just too natural for me. then, 章魚 + 奇展 challenged each other. love forever and ever. faces: 15 centimeters apart.
• 李奇展's story about getting a girlfriend. HAHAHA. one day I will write it down...
  
• drinks @ eslite bookstore with 王昱雯，林柏澄，林志豪，李奇展，江亦賢，夏心怡，黃馨義，讚哥 :]! I took 昱雯 to eslite on her bike, and near the main entrance, I swerved a curve and she shrieked and we almost crashed. obviously, 林志豪 and 林柏澄, who were close behind us, saw... and they made fun of me >:[
  
• came back to 漁房 with 林志豪. biology lab picture excursion with him, followed by 讚哥 and 林柏澄. if you like taking pictures of lots and lots of weedy-looking plants, this was actually a lot of fun. we walked all around NTU trying to find the proper plants to photograph.
  
• stole 林柏澄's bike and biked back to my dorm to get my camera cable... almost fell in the gutter on the way back -.- came back to 漁房 and realized I needed my laptop to transfer pictures so I'd have room for pictures/videos for 同樂會, so I ran back to my dorm, got my laptop, and by the time I got back to 漁房 I was extremely out of breath and energy... then I turned into a pile of mush and cried (not literally) on 夏心怡 because I felt so bleh >:[
  
• 同樂會 I BROKE MY CAMERA a second time. this is ridiculous. two minutes before peter got on the stage for I Me My Mine I dropped it and the lens got stuck. so I basically cleared my memory card for nothing. SIGH. no pictures from 同樂會 :[ I am sad.
• 同樂會! :) hehe birthday: 夏心怡: 李雙!!!!!!! /SHRIEKS ensue hehe
  
• 泡茶團/老人桌 I ran into 卓安 on the way up to 漁房 and she wasn't particularly interested in joining the 同樂會 activities (it's true, watching from the sidelines isn't as fun) so I talked with her at a table near the trees outside our 系館. 林志豪 and a bunch of other students joined us while 同樂會 activities went on in the background. we talked for an hour... or two? anyway everyone else listening to 同樂會 called us a bunch of old foggies because we were immersed in our own little world on the sidelines.
  
• 豆花 at 公館 with 奇展, 志豪，卓安，小綠賢 :]
  
• back to 漁房 after 同樂會 ended. worked on pictures with 林志豪. (I) panicked and stressed and we ended up not sending it by 12:00. but he just sent it to me via msn not too long ago, and I submitted it... so I think we're good :]
  

today was wonderful : )

018

I can safely say that the English penmanship of most of the guys I've met at NTU surpasses the penmanship of my American guy classmates.

THIS IS SAYING SOMETHING.
And yes, I am talking to you. There is something fundamentally wrong when a person living in Taiwan, whose native language is not English, has better handwriting than you. Their grammar and vocabulary and sentence structure might not be half as strong as yours, but at least I can read what they're writing. It's not chicken scratch. It's clean. It's neat. What is wrong with you guys back home?

Shape up and write legibly. The editor-in-chief in me is coming out again... can't read, won't grade.

Let's then ignore the fact that it's is 2:10 AM and I am still writing this lab report. lalala byebye

017

我火大了

Dear girls sitting in the black SUV next to my mother's car on a Saturday evening,

Here's my rule that's been in effect since May 13th, 1994: no one picks on my brother unless I'm there to kick you following said incident. Especially not when he's studying American history, when you probably couldn't even locate California on a map. Considering the fact that I am halfway around the world right now in Taiwan (ooh, geography pop quiz! Is it a city? A capital? A flying teapot? EHHH, all wrong. Didn't think so.) and was not present when this happened, I believe you just broke my rules. Never mind that he auto-tunes his ears to deaf-mode when people like you are around. Lines are lines, and you do not cross mine.

I hope you all drive into a rut on the way home and step straight into knee-deep mud when trying to get out of the car :D May the worst of luck follow you wherever you go.

016

one thing I can't seem to get through my own head:

IT IS NOT FREAKING OKAY TO FAIL A MIDTERM

if someone wants to SLAP me and get this to me, I would really appreciate the wake-up call. next week seems closer every minute. honestly. WHY CAN'T I FOCUS. this is a skill I lost in year three of high school. I could sit at my desk and read without distraction (and by this, you all know I mean facebook or music, or just the internet in general) for upwards of three hours in year one and two. two is now a challenge for me. and three isn't even enough at this point. 李雙 WAKE UP.

/撞頭

(758pm)

if we aren't allowed to use a periodic table/calculator on this chemistry midterm ............
the room will be like an oven as a result of my fury.

also I would like to try 小木屋 sometime soon!

015

我終於把心裡的話說給同學聽了
到目前為止我心裡的為難都沒和台大的同學分享
說出來。。。感覺很不一樣

今天上僑生國文班，有個約旦來的學生上台說話
雖然看起來不想華人 她的中文還挺好的
她說前幾天上微積分課 她上課時在全班面前問問題
結果老師在全班面前笑她
說 "你們僑生都隨便進台大的，也不用怎麼的用功, 不想本地生需要非常非常的努力才有辦法來到這裡" 類似的

我們全班有些學生就火大了
有人說明天要去教室找老師修理他
當然不會有什麼暴力或怎樣 但我看班上同學的火氣 一定會進行報酬的動作

但我也沒怎麼在乎
我想是因為以前爸爸就跟我說過台大僑生通常都落在班後面幾民革
更要我努力讀書才有機會成功
國文課老師說我們應該用別的方式讓老師知道我們僑生進台大的過程 不是他想像的哪樣子
但我覺得 話說難聽一點 僑生進台大比本地生的確是容易了好幾倍
雖然在全班面前說是非常不對的行為 這個老師說的話 不完全是錯的

我害怕落後 害怕失敗 也害怕大家為我僑生身分討厭我
因為我下的功夫沒有本地生大 我卻還是有辦法站在這裡 當台大學生
其實我非常抱歉本地生 更想證明我是認真來到台灣讀書的
所以上次我寫了一片 PO 關於一位在我們班上的僑生 我才會這麼生氣
因為來到台大 對很多人來講 是一件非常了不起的事 他說得這麼隨便我真的沒辦法了解他的看法

所以我現在還在尋找我的家
我非常想和本地生成為好朋友
但 我是不是無法屬於你們這一界的人？

我好想要和人家聊聊這件事

014

I am feeling blue for no reason at all. I wish there was a word for this feeling. I think there is one, but I don't think it adequately describes the way I feel.

I guess I feel like I've failed. Even when every molecule in my body is telling me to get up and fight this until I can touch the finish line with my bare hands, I am feeling myself give up. What is giving up? It is looking at the sky and watching it rain on the sunniest day of the year.

The more I feel like giving up, the more I know I can't.
I am begging myself, myself, not to give up.

013

我今天終於了解為什麼我不想家了
現在回想高四下學期的過程, 其實和以前很好的朋友, 關係突然碎了
高二高三我能想到四位朋友, 我們感情都很好。
現在我發現 我已經完全不和三位有任何連絡了 如果上線都不聊天, 就算不是朋友我們對對方的表現也不會跟現在差多少
有兩位 可以說是吵架分開的 其中一位 我想把友情救回來也無可奈何 我做錯什麼 連現在我都還不太清楚 突然就停止沒有來往。道歉我已經說了好多次了也不知道我在道什麼歉 她不接受也不肯和我溝通, 結果由我另外一位朋友的幫忙, 我就放手了。

另外一位是我初中就認識的朋友。她是台北人，五年級才去美國讀初高中，目前在柏克萊讀書。我們兩個人的關係非常親切。我的祕密，我心上的難題，我都會跟她說。反過來，她也會跟我講她心上的事。我還記得有一天放學鬧了一件非常大的八卦，和男女關係有連把我搞得心裡亂七八糟傷痛的感覺，我走回家的路上哭著不停。我用手機打電話給她，她馬上把手邊忙的事放下來問我要不要她來我家我們慢慢的談。


吳慈庭小姐, Tiffany, Muffin, 妳算是我心裡非常寶貴的朋友! 這個我知道妳一定很清楚。我們家人也非常熱情，我們連聖誕節都一起過的，妳應該記得啊。但我們在一起的時間這麼多，我們為什麼永遠都吵架無法和好? 我現在回想我們高中過程 其實很傷心 妳送我的風鈴我有帶來台大 現在掛在我書桌旁邊 我記得妳說希望每次聽風鈴的聲音會想到妳，因為妳當初給我買時 你有想到我 我們一起解除難題，一起走過高中最難最費力的時刻 我不可能把我們的回憶全忘了 我知道妳一定覺得我把我們友情扔了 其實我還是非常想你非常愛妳的!!!

原來如此 因為回憶太痛苦了，因為我以前的過程，我無法面對! 為什麼我沒辦法面對呢?

我得多放開以前的碎片，從新開始把拼圖完成
不要老是和朋友玩捉迷藏, 拐彎抹角
我要勇敢一點 我要多保護我自己的心 可是別把門鎖起來
不然 關心我的好朋友要怎麼找到我?