160

Hello friends! It is currently 2:02 AM Taipei time, and I'm finally home after a lengthy trip to Taichung and Yunlin. I figured I would write this post as I wait for my hair to dry so I can sleep, even though it's awfully late and I plan to be up early tomorrow morning... our apartment is so small that I'm scared to use the hairdryer when everyone's asleep, but sometimes it's hard to avoid. Descriptions aren't going to be very long, because it's still rather late at night.

This morning my parents and I got up at seven and left the house around eight and set off for Taizhong. We got there around eleven, and boy, Taizhong hasn't changed much since the last time I was there.

We waited on a street corner for 培淳 to come and pick us up. Come to think of it, I forgot to take a picture of it, but you notice that building composed of blue blocks in the upper right hand corner? My parents pointed out how ugly it looked when we were standing in the shade waiting to be picked up. I thought it was innovative, but art is so different to different eyes. 

Anyway, 培淳 picked us up and we went to Dad's friend's house for a visit. When we got there, there were workers trimming the trees outside. Dad's friend was waiting outside for us, and he immediately showed me this, and it gave me a good scare: 

Can't tell what they are? 

That's right... baby birds. The workers must have disturbed them when they were trimming the trees, but they managed to save the nest. Dad's friend said that the mother usually won't come back if her nest is disturbed, which is deeply saddening. He asked me if I wanted them, and for a few minutes I was seriously considering taking them home to Taipei to take care of them. As I picked up the nest, two of them craned their necks upwards with open mouths, as if waiting for food to be dropped in. Their skin is so thin and so fragile; I could observe their veins moving up and down as they breathed. I did really want to take care of them, but I had no idea how I'd possibly get them back to Taipei, and how I could find the time to take care of them regularly. In the end, we left the nest at the 警衛 station and went in the house. We had Thai cuisine for lunch (really good!). 

阿姨 offered me a 芭蕉 when we got back to the house. Looks like a banana, but it's not. It's sweeter, tangier, and Q'er than a banana, and tastes better, in my opinion!

Anyway, after the 芭蕉 was nice and finished, 培淳 drove us down to Yunlin. It took about an hour to get down there, and I had a nice nap on the way. The school took a while to find, though...

My brother's school is, quite literally, in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere. The entire school, which only houses a number shy of 70 students, consists of one two-story building and the track field. One upside was the extremely cool and comfortable weather, which, according to the principal, was a result of a recent rainfall.

Anyway, Kalvin showed us around the school, and I met his teaching partners. They were nice, for the most part, but I only had a few minutes with them and my first impressions were all correct, according to my brother, when I took him aside for a chat when my parents were talking with the principal. Oh, well. All I really care about is the fact that he's having fun... and that's all that matters! 

What a day. I give up on my hair... I'm going to blow-dry it and go to bed. Goodnight! 

081

It's amazing—and frustrating—to me how easily I crack under stress. I bring it all on myself by choosing to take on all the activities offered to me, then I literally almost kill myself every time when the pressure of all of them becomes too much to balance with my studies. This is a problem with having broad interests. I want everything, and I want to do everything well and perfectly. But it's not perfect, it's far from it. This is also a problem of having a leadership streak. I love leadership, but I stress myself out and panic and bring too much pressure on myself. Consequently... does that mean I'm not good at anything?

Family has also been extremely stressful lately. I just found out that my dad is planning to move back to California, which means I'll be in Taiwan alone, if you don't count my relatives. The idea of that is not new to me, but extremely scary. I am upset with myself for not visiting my grandparents, and I really need to do that. I just feel like everything is equally important, but everything conflicts with one another and ends up pushing me to the edge of tears.

I try so hard to keep smiling, I really do, but even today I couldn't smile very much anymore. I've been bottling this for a while, and all of it is my fault, from beginning to end. I don't know what to do except do better, but how? This is a really complicated feeling to explain, and I know I didn't do a good job of it, but in short... life is difficult for me (#firstworldproblems) because I try to do everything and want everything.

Sometimes I need to learn how to let go.

064

I don't have anything exceptionally exciting to say today (or recently, really), except for this...
congratulations to my little brother 小弟, 李丹 ...
for getting a 235 TWO THIRTY FIVE on his PSAT!

hey 弟弟, if you read this:
I almost died when Dad told me over Skype! freaking top one percent, WHAT A BEAST. I even told my roommates, I was so excited!! HAHA one of my roommates was like "WHAT THE FU**!!" and for the record, that's an extremely positive response, especially to something like this. :D Berkeley's all yours; just keep that GPA going! I miss you; I can't wait to go home and hug you and be all SQUEE!!! with you, like old times. I even miss our fights over absolutely nothing. Oh well, I miss you, period!! haha. 加油 ♥

060

為什麼
一句話
就讓我心情變這麼差

其實不管我星期三有多麼的開心 －而且我今天非常開心
ABC 堂上國文課一定會把心情拉下來
最不喜歡上僑生國文課 受不了班上的同學
覺得周圍的人永遠無法跟我相處 就算班上有人想靠近我 我也馬上往後退一點興趣都沒有
個性 實在差太多了 看到有些學生上課的表現 真的很想走出去大叫
所以上課我不喜歡應該很正常

結果回到宿舍爸打電話給我
聊了一陣子 有的沒的
結果最後爸爸問我 “為什麼你都不問你奶奶的情況？”
讓後我就.................... I'm sorry?
“你很像沒感覺的樣子.”

是。喔! 其實我真的沒感覺。我從小到大很少跟我奶奶相處，你真的覺得我會有沈重的感覺嗎?
為何我每次打電話都一定要問一次? 我平常打過去都會問一問
一次不問就被 point out
為何?

心情不好了。great.

053

弟弟， 我好想你
看到你部落格 讀到你在學校的新消息 我真的好開心
好久沒有聽到你聲音了... 太久沒有通 Skype 了
但我知你一定功課忙翻了 所以我也盡量不吵你
等不及二月看到你和媽媽
會給你帶好多好多好吃的回家
I love you, hope you are well.