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I enjoy:

· Spending summer nights with you (guys).
· When 若晞 asked us to gather in a circle to clap and cheer this evening, he asked everyone to thank 花男 and 經理 (which is me), but 花男 stopped him and said "I don't think we need to thank our manager anymore... I think she's already one of our teammates."
· Laying down on our stomachs, head in hands, in a circle, to cycle and talk together after practices every day, looking at all the stars in the night sky as we sit together on the dark volleyball courts.
· Being a part of this happy family, a family that will always occupy a small corner of my heart.

Summer love at its finest—sharing it with people you treasure in the heat of the day and the cool of the night, everlasting and as intangible as the occasional, precious breeze in Taipei's heated summer weather.

Mmm, I remember something 雅盺 told me a few days ago... "When he leaves for America in a few weeks, I don't think 男排 will be the same again."

That thought hit me straight in the face—that the person I will miss the most from these happy summer nights is actually leaving for a place I call home but that sounds so foreign and cold to me now. As much as I don't want to admit it, I am quickly running out of time to do what I need to do. I wish I didn't have to come to the realization that you will not come back for a long time. There is so much I love about this team, and I wish our story didn't have to end so soon. A story that I keep secret from all other eyes except my own, a story that I will continue to commit to paper and pencil even as the clock ticks the hours, the minutes, the seconds, away. A story for which I cannot bear to write an ending. A story that is written in pencil, and not pen, because in the words resides another treasure that can be erased and re-written with time.

161

Sometimes I wish I had the power to control how much power my emotions have over my behavior.

What a complicated sentence. But I think it's a rather simple concept.

Recently, I was sitting in an air-conditioned room on a very hot day, tapping away on my Macbook. It was a nice, optimal temperature for a room, and I was feeling quite comfortable. But gradually, I realized my entire body was getting warmer, and pretty soon, I felt hot, in a 26-degree Celsius room. How could that be possible? I couldn't understand why, and then I felt my fingers becoming weaker, and I started feeling tired.

I'm not sick and I don't have panic attacks. After a while, I realized why I was feeling hot and 軟啪啪 all over. My thoughts were trailing over to a place which I normally dislike exploring in detail, and they were controlling how I physically felt, as well as taking over my mental systems.

I envy people who have the power to detach themselves from their emotions and continue their day-to-day tasks. Sometimes, I'll feel so down that I find myself sitting in front of the computer unable to move, unable to smile, unable to do anything except sit quietly and wonder. Sometimes I loathe wondering, because I have grown to loathe the term "what if."

There is so much I dislike about the typical teenage train of thought, but I find that it is difficult for me to detach myself from said thoughts. I'm like a person I dislike, and I don't know how to fix it. I do know how, but how?

You don't have to understand what I'm trying to say. I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

160

Hello friends! It is currently 2:02 AM Taipei time, and I'm finally home after a lengthy trip to Taichung and Yunlin. I figured I would write this post as I wait for my hair to dry so I can sleep, even though it's awfully late and I plan to be up early tomorrow morning... our apartment is so small that I'm scared to use the hairdryer when everyone's asleep, but sometimes it's hard to avoid. Descriptions aren't going to be very long, because it's still rather late at night.

This morning my parents and I got up at seven and left the house around eight and set off for Taizhong. We got there around eleven, and boy, Taizhong hasn't changed much since the last time I was there.

We waited on a street corner for 培淳 to come and pick us up. Come to think of it, I forgot to take a picture of it, but you notice that building composed of blue blocks in the upper right hand corner? My parents pointed out how ugly it looked when we were standing in the shade waiting to be picked up. I thought it was innovative, but art is so different to different eyes. 

Anyway, 培淳 picked us up and we went to Dad's friend's house for a visit. When we got there, there were workers trimming the trees outside. Dad's friend was waiting outside for us, and he immediately showed me this, and it gave me a good scare: 

Can't tell what they are? 

That's right... baby birds. The workers must have disturbed them when they were trimming the trees, but they managed to save the nest. Dad's friend said that the mother usually won't come back if her nest is disturbed, which is deeply saddening. He asked me if I wanted them, and for a few minutes I was seriously considering taking them home to Taipei to take care of them. As I picked up the nest, two of them craned their necks upwards with open mouths, as if waiting for food to be dropped in. Their skin is so thin and so fragile; I could observe their veins moving up and down as they breathed. I did really want to take care of them, but I had no idea how I'd possibly get them back to Taipei, and how I could find the time to take care of them regularly. In the end, we left the nest at the 警衛 station and went in the house. We had Thai cuisine for lunch (really good!). 

阿姨 offered me a 芭蕉 when we got back to the house. Looks like a banana, but it's not. It's sweeter, tangier, and Q'er than a banana, and tastes better, in my opinion!

Anyway, after the 芭蕉 was nice and finished, 培淳 drove us down to Yunlin. It took about an hour to get down there, and I had a nice nap on the way. The school took a while to find, though...

My brother's school is, quite literally, in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere. The entire school, which only houses a number shy of 70 students, consists of one two-story building and the track field. One upside was the extremely cool and comfortable weather, which, according to the principal, was a result of a recent rainfall.

Anyway, Kalvin showed us around the school, and I met his teaching partners. They were nice, for the most part, but I only had a few minutes with them and my first impressions were all correct, according to my brother, when I took him aside for a chat when my parents were talking with the principal. Oh, well. All I really care about is the fact that he's having fun... and that's all that matters! 

What a day. I give up on my hair... I'm going to blow-dry it and go to bed. Goodnight!