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Rant begins.

Facebook messaging one another is not "getting along better." Ditching a person who waited a month for you is not "getting along better." Not calling me when you promised to come see me is not "getting along better." What galaxy are YOU living in? If this means "getting along better," then what is fighting? God, woman. Sometimes I can't stand you. In fact, now that I look back at all the times we spent together, I get why I always got annoyed at you. Because I'm not one to resist my annoyance when I feel it surfacing. I let it out when I need to, instead of bottling it inside. And now I get why others are annoyed at you for the same reasons. It's not always my fault, you know. You always made it sound like it was, maybe because you couldn't see what you did wrong. But just because you can't see it, doesn't mean I can't. And what I see is that you don't give a flying mackerel about me until I become angry at you for being so callous. Then you turn around and look, and suddenly, you care. I'm not asking for a declaration of love at any given time of the day, but show the world that you have a decent amount of consideration in your body to give it to another living human being besides your own self.

End rant.

164

男排 summer training

當我們說「那些年的夏天」，你會想到這些時光嗎？在舊體外玩躲避球，帶著微笑到處奔跑。一個一個照片留下來當作很久以後的好回憶，可以嗎？我們的時光不要這麼快就結束。手握著相機的鏡頭，躲在你們後面幫你們拍照，留下一個畫面，一定要記下來。

緊緊抱著你。

163

Occasionally, late at night, I click around the various blogs of my friends and I realize how infrequently I take photos for fun. But how can I do that when it's 12:20 AM at night and I'm stuck at home? Take photos around my room, of course.

Below are four photographs of things that carry a lot of meaning for me.

Closeups are a lot of fun, because they leave the viewer guessing.
There are three out of four that need no explanation.

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I enjoy:

· Spending summer nights with you (guys).
· When 若晞 asked us to gather in a circle to clap and cheer this evening, he asked everyone to thank 花男 and 經理 (which is me), but 花男 stopped him and said "I don't think we need to thank our manager anymore... I think she's already one of our teammates."
· Laying down on our stomachs, head in hands, in a circle, to cycle and talk together after practices every day, looking at all the stars in the night sky as we sit together on the dark volleyball courts.
· Being a part of this happy family, a family that will always occupy a small corner of my heart.

Summer love at its finest—sharing it with people you treasure in the heat of the day and the cool of the night, everlasting and as intangible as the occasional, precious breeze in Taipei's heated summer weather.

Mmm, I remember something 雅盺 told me a few days ago... "When he leaves for America in a few weeks, I don't think 男排 will be the same again."

That thought hit me straight in the face—that the person I will miss the most from these happy summer nights is actually leaving for a place I call home but that sounds so foreign and cold to me now. As much as I don't want to admit it, I am quickly running out of time to do what I need to do. I wish I didn't have to come to the realization that you will not come back for a long time. There is so much I love about this team, and I wish our story didn't have to end so soon. A story that I keep secret from all other eyes except my own, a story that I will continue to commit to paper and pencil even as the clock ticks the hours, the minutes, the seconds, away. A story for which I cannot bear to write an ending. A story that is written in pencil, and not pen, because in the words resides another treasure that can be erased and re-written with time.

161

Sometimes I wish I had the power to control how much power my emotions have over my behavior.

What a complicated sentence. But I think it's a rather simple concept.

Recently, I was sitting in an air-conditioned room on a very hot day, tapping away on my Macbook. It was a nice, optimal temperature for a room, and I was feeling quite comfortable. But gradually, I realized my entire body was getting warmer, and pretty soon, I felt hot, in a 26-degree Celsius room. How could that be possible? I couldn't understand why, and then I felt my fingers becoming weaker, and I started feeling tired.

I'm not sick and I don't have panic attacks. After a while, I realized why I was feeling hot and 軟啪啪 all over. My thoughts were trailing over to a place which I normally dislike exploring in detail, and they were controlling how I physically felt, as well as taking over my mental systems.

I envy people who have the power to detach themselves from their emotions and continue their day-to-day tasks. Sometimes, I'll feel so down that I find myself sitting in front of the computer unable to move, unable to smile, unable to do anything except sit quietly and wonder. Sometimes I loathe wondering, because I have grown to loathe the term "what if."

There is so much I dislike about the typical teenage train of thought, but I find that it is difficult for me to detach myself from said thoughts. I'm like a person I dislike, and I don't know how to fix it. I do know how, but how?

You don't have to understand what I'm trying to say. I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

160

Hello friends! It is currently 2:02 AM Taipei time, and I'm finally home after a lengthy trip to Taichung and Yunlin. I figured I would write this post as I wait for my hair to dry so I can sleep, even though it's awfully late and I plan to be up early tomorrow morning... our apartment is so small that I'm scared to use the hairdryer when everyone's asleep, but sometimes it's hard to avoid. Descriptions aren't going to be very long, because it's still rather late at night.

This morning my parents and I got up at seven and left the house around eight and set off for Taizhong. We got there around eleven, and boy, Taizhong hasn't changed much since the last time I was there.

We waited on a street corner for 培淳 to come and pick us up. Come to think of it, I forgot to take a picture of it, but you notice that building composed of blue blocks in the upper right hand corner? My parents pointed out how ugly it looked when we were standing in the shade waiting to be picked up. I thought it was innovative, but art is so different to different eyes. 

Anyway, 培淳 picked us up and we went to Dad's friend's house for a visit. When we got there, there were workers trimming the trees outside. Dad's friend was waiting outside for us, and he immediately showed me this, and it gave me a good scare: 

Can't tell what they are? 

That's right... baby birds. The workers must have disturbed them when they were trimming the trees, but they managed to save the nest. Dad's friend said that the mother usually won't come back if her nest is disturbed, which is deeply saddening. He asked me if I wanted them, and for a few minutes I was seriously considering taking them home to Taipei to take care of them. As I picked up the nest, two of them craned their necks upwards with open mouths, as if waiting for food to be dropped in. Their skin is so thin and so fragile; I could observe their veins moving up and down as they breathed. I did really want to take care of them, but I had no idea how I'd possibly get them back to Taipei, and how I could find the time to take care of them regularly. In the end, we left the nest at the 警衛 station and went in the house. We had Thai cuisine for lunch (really good!). 

阿姨 offered me a 芭蕉 when we got back to the house. Looks like a banana, but it's not. It's sweeter, tangier, and Q'er than a banana, and tastes better, in my opinion!

Anyway, after the 芭蕉 was nice and finished, 培淳 drove us down to Yunlin. It took about an hour to get down there, and I had a nice nap on the way. The school took a while to find, though...

My brother's school is, quite literally, in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere. The entire school, which only houses a number shy of 70 students, consists of one two-story building and the track field. One upside was the extremely cool and comfortable weather, which, according to the principal, was a result of a recent rainfall.

Anyway, Kalvin showed us around the school, and I met his teaching partners. They were nice, for the most part, but I only had a few minutes with them and my first impressions were all correct, according to my brother, when I took him aside for a chat when my parents were talking with the principal. Oh, well. All I really care about is the fact that he's having fun... and that's all that matters! 

What a day. I give up on my hair... I'm going to blow-dry it and go to bed. Goodnight! 

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生科營第二個晚會 宛螢學姊有唱這首歌 我覺得宛螢唱得比原唱好聽唷 ：）

休息是為了走更長的路
你就是我的旅途
都是因為你 我一直漫步

想要跟你一起走到最後
但我遺失了地圖
誰給誰束縛 誰比誰辛苦
愛到深處才會領悟

好的事情 最後雖然結束
感動十分 就有十分滿足
謝謝你 是你陪我走過那些路
痛 是以後無法再給你幸福

好的事情 也許能夠重複
感動時分 就算紛紛模糊
不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福

想要跟你一起走到最後
但我遺失了地圖
誰給誰束縛 誰比誰辛苦
愛到深處才會領悟

好的事情 最後雖然結束
感動十分 就有十分滿足
謝謝你 是你陪我走過那些路
痛 是以後無法再給你幸福

好的事情 也許能夠重複
感動時分 就算紛紛模糊
不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福

不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福

158

Ahh, the summer time. When the living is easy, the mosquitoes dine, and we spend ninety percent of every day feeling sticky and hot. But no mind, it's all in good fun.

Tomorrow I leave for Yunlin (雲林) and Taizhong (台中); the former to visit my brother at his school, and the latter to visit friends of my dad. I'll be back in Taipei by tomorrow night. On Thursday I leave for Tainan (台南) with a few of my volleyball girls to visit 雨珊 at home. Taizhong means shopping, and Tainan means good food! What a wonderful way to spend summer. On top of guys' volleyball summer training (we finished ours today!), I can't wait for these next two weeks! Bring it on.

157

See, the thing is, if I didn't have volleyball 暑訓 this week, this post would be about 花蓮 and about all the good things I ate and the places I went to and how I watched the guys get drunk at night and play 麻將 and all those good, happy things. But I have 暑訓 and I didn't go to 花蓮 as a result. So, instead, this post is about 暑訓, or at least part of it. Today's only the first day, after all!

I'm really glad I decided not to go to badminton's 暑訓, because I think I would have stopped breathing on the train before we reached 台南, I'd be so exhausted after 生科營 just ended. I'm so glad I decided to stay at 台大 instead. Whew.

Anyway. I guess this should be my master post. Might as well be. Never mind... just day one!

♫

07-11-2011 / DAY 1 / 第一天

- 中心往前 (重要)，用身體送球，不要翹屁股
- 手要擺平，不然球會送歪
- 發球時候打球屁股，但不要打太上下，用靠近拇指的手掌部份去碰球
- 攻擊：二號要快快快快快打! 早點碰到球早點把它給壓下去，記得跑腳步不要噸住，起跳快一點，手再揮快一點，會比較有威力性
- 攔網報到：滯空力超糟糕！背後那條要多拉多去利用
- 腳步報到：是鞋子太滑了還是腳步真的這樣就退步了?

156

The obligatory life science camp photo post. I'm kind of lazy to add captions or even add more than five photographs, and even more lazy to try and write out some kind of 心得文, especially because, in short, I didn't enjoy the week I spent as a counselor. It was tiring beyond belief, and the energy I put in wasn't worth it in the end. I thought maybe I was being stupid for crying on the second day, but at the end my feelings hadn't changed. I gave up going home this summer for two weeks of energy-sapping, fruitless work. I think the only thing that was really worth it in the end was the fact that we sent the kids home happy and with good memories nestled in the corners of their minds. And maybe, that's enough.

明年再來一次

155

晚上沈思一下

For the nineteen years I have lived, I have had the fortune of keeping the people I love close by. I think you might be the first person who is going to leave me, and leave so soon. You are going to a place that I call home, but you will stand on the opposite shore. Maybe you will forever stand on that shore, in a place where I cannot reach nor find you. For a long time I have kept you locked in my heart, with a key I swallowed, when I realized that your likeness was in danger of becoming a dream. I unlocked the chamber from time to time, to steal a look at you from behind the trees, or to smile at you, and hear your laughter. But most of the time I never dare to unlock it. I have too much to risk, and not enough to give. 

I have been urged to release you from the chamber that binds you, but I cannot do that. You are too important for me to lose memory of you, and yet, distant enough so that I can keep you inside without feeling unhappy. There is so much I want to say, but I don't have the courage to say any of it. The reason I want to grow up is because of you. There is so much I want to know. And most of all, there are so many reasons why I wish you won't leave me. 

154

I don't know why I'm posting this at 1:25 AM on a Sunday night the day before 生科營 starts, but what I've started typing, I might as well finish.

I had a discussion about this on the bus on the way home with 胡仁恩 yesterday. It got to the point where people sitting next to us began eavesdropping on the conversation and when I reached my stop, he got off with me because he didn't want to guess what was going to happen if he sat alone for the rest of the way home. It's by nature a very touchy topic, so I'm only going to reflect on one aspect of what we talked about, and leave the rest for another day; taking into consideration the fact that I have a long week ahead of me, starting tomorrow.

Anyway.

I don't understand why people say "This is what God has planned for me." 


"I didn't get into my first choice... but that's okay, God has a plan for me, and I know I'm doing what He wants for me, and He will always take care of me." 

During college acceptances/rejections season, I saw these kinds of Tumblr and Facebook posts everywhere, and I didn't know what to think at first. I'm not a Christian; I wasn't raised in a religious family, and have had very little experience with a church environment. I consider myself agnostic, and at times, an atheist. But after a while, the whole "He has a plan for me" deal started to bother me.

Granted, my understanding of this "God" figure is not as full or as complete as many of my fellow Christian friends and classmates, but I honestly believe that such a statement isn't a demonstration of your faith; it's instead using your faith to run away from a fact that you refuse to face. Just because God has a plan for you doesn't mean that your fate is predestined to run along the same string, the same tune and the same note, for the entirety of your life. Do Christians believe that they cannot change the path that God has planned for them? Or do my classmates simply enjoy using the fact that they have a God in their life, to justify their failure to meet the goals they have set for themselves?

Idk, just a murmur before I go to bed. This post doesn't really have a 中心... sorry!

153

Alright, confession. I went through the old clothing box at my dorm a few days before I cleared on out. The box is full of clothes that girls on my floor wish to donate or don't want anymore. I know it wasn't the best decision to go rooting through it, but I did it very late at night and very sneakily so. I actually donated something of my own in exchange... so it all evens out!

A catalogue of the things I picked up:

A leather sling. It's roomy, it's soft, it's full of pockets, an absolute must for a person like me, who carries plenty of small items, and I don't understand why anyone would throw it away just because the middle strap that goes around the bag's waist snapped! I love it mostly because there's so much space inside. I can carry a jacket, my tablet, my wallet, cell phone, and camera, and it'll still feel loose atop my shoulder. I love the feeling of roominess, so this bag is an instant winner with me! The broken strap borders a unique fashion statement, and I had no problem tying it up with thread so it wouldn't fall apart, and taking it everywhere. I love it. I have a feeling it won't last very long, but it's alright.

A Super Junior-reminiscent scarf. Chequered and thin and soft, designed not to be rolled around your neck like a winter woolen, but more wrapped artistically, loosely, if you will. I've never owned one of these before and I've always wanted one, but I never went out of my way to purchase one when they were all the rage at Forever 21 and the other vintage-replica clothing stores around the mall. I've never been a big accessories person, but what I can get by chance or by gifts, I love with all my heart. I can't wait to wrap this one around my neck, matched with a white tee and jeans, once autumn starts to roll around and it starts to cool down a bit around here. I have to learn how to tie it first!


I also snagged up a green thigh-length hoodie (it was too soft for me to resist, despite the Chinglish written all over the front!) and a racer-back claret-coloured tank-top (very basic and good to wear at home when I'm doing chores), both of which are not pictured.

Ahh, I couldn't resist! I felt like a homeless person when I went sneaking through the box... but I was careful not to take too much. Still... :)

Okay, I'm off to Keelung tomorrow with my classmates for a 生科營 run-through in the wild, and I have to be at school by 7:45 AM ... eep! Considering it takes me a good 20 ~ 25 minutes to get to school, I can't leave the house too late. Off to shower, charge my camera, stretch my legs, and then to bed I go. I overslept this morning, and I'm determined not to have it happen again. Goodnight all! Kalvin, I can't wait for you to get here!

152

Oops. I haven't updated my blog since the beginning of June, and I'm going to get a measly little (2) under my June archive! Generally, I like to accompany my updates with photos, preferably ones that I take myself.

• I packed up everything in my dorm room and I'm just about ready to go. Four more packages onto my uncle's car and I'll be out of 大一女! All three of my roommates left already, so I came home to stay tonight. When I walked into my room this evening to get the last of the things I was going to carry home by bus, my voice literally bounced off the shelves because it was so empty. :( It feels so 空! 
• I'm spending my summer in Taiwan because I simply can't fit in time to go home in between the school activities I have over summer, and in addition to that, my grandparents aren't doing very well. 
• Lots of things happened this June. 理院盃. My birthday. 系羽送舊. 男排送舊. Finals. June was a whirlwind, but it was the best month I've had all year long, despite being the most stressful and the most tiring. I sat on the edge of insanity for a good two or three weeks, but I was so happy. I wish I wrote down all my feelings and how everything happened... but usually, I write those on my P2 版. 
• My brother comes to Taiwan in less than a week! I can't wait for him to be here, I miss my brother terribly. He's also bringing good things for me from California ... :) 

Anyway, tonight, my cousin made pasta. Vegetarian, but so good! Next time we'll try spicing it up with onions or chicken slices or greens or something like that. I miss my mother's pasta, but tonight's dinner was faintly reminiscent of the homestyle meals she used to cook. I must learn her ways. 

I'd go on, but I'm staring at bags and bags of luggage in my room right now, and I really need to unpack, before I go crazy. Oh, and clean the house, but I think unpacking should come first. Toodles~ 

151

june photography: taipei, taiwan

等待你

150

I find myself wearing this outfit more and more because it's so simple and refreshing to wear! I can throw the dress on when it's moist and sticky outside and I don't know what else to wear, and the cardigan matches well in terms of color. I'm kind of ashamed to say, however, that the two pieces of jewelry are two of only three that I currently own (at least that I have at my dorm), and recently, one of two of my only pair of earrings snapped in half. I've never really been a big accessories person, but once I can spare the money to buy some, they grow on me quite fast, and I grow very attached to the few pieces I own and make do.

Grey-striped dress, Forever 21.
Long coral cardigan, Forever 21.
Solid heart pendant, Forever 21.
Floral-etched bracelet, gift. 

Whew, it thus appears a large majority of my wardrobe consists of Forever 21. That, and more recently, a lot of hand-me-downs from my mother, which aren't really hand-me-downs at all, because they're in excellent condition, and my mother has a very refined sense of style that never fades with the time, so I know I can never go wrong with the clothes she buys for and gives to me.

Have a lovely day! It's a wonderful Friday here, albeit a very humid and sweaty one, and I have Monday off for 端午節, so I anticipate a pretty awesome weekend ahead :)

149

Yangmingshan (陽明山), 05/29/2011

This trip was a lot of fun! It brought me back to the old days when I went hiking with my family, except, this time, I'm all grown up and taking buses and subways by myself (granted, with one of my good friends who planned our route well in advance) and packing myself lunch and doing all the things my mother used to do for me early Saturday or Sunday morning before we left for the mountain! And 陽明山 is a gorgeous mountain. Nature is truly paradise. All photos taken with Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ18, click to enlarge. 

148

Some late spring cleaning! This blog was originally for documenting my new life in Taiwan, if I remember correctly. I guess I'm kind of tired of making new blogs and moving around so much just because my current one is disorganized... so I'm going to reattempt to re-organize what I post here and clean up my archive!

In other words, in the future, personal posts are going here → http://leeshuang.tumblr.com. I've never really considered Tumblr good enough to be a formal blogging system, so I put photos that I don't take myself, plus little text and quote posts, there.

Everything else: photos I take myself, arts, recipes, reviews, movies → will go here! I need to clean up my tags; but I'll get around to it. I changed my URL, too. I won't delete my old posts, but they're stored neatly away in the archive for future reference.

147

I'm losing my mind. I'm losing a lot of things all at once. Tonight is one of those nights when I just want to lay down and cry. I don't feel well, and I have so many things to do I don't even know where to start. I have things to do that were supposed to be done weeks ago, but I can't even bring myself to pick them up and do them. Why is my 生活作息 so abnormal, so unhealthy, and so unbalanced?

146

Well, I had a terrible week. I had a rough time with two of my good friends, and a lot of hard and unhappy feelings were exchanged. Though both apologized to me in the end, I'm sure there's a lesson for everyone in the argument; no one's ever completely at fault. So, truthfully, I'm sorry, too! 

In addition, it felt like every obligation I currently hold, whether it be the volleyball or badminton teams or the dances I am obligated to learn for the following months or studying or any of my other activities and responsibilities, each took a limb and yanked me in their own direction, as hard as they possibly could, and when my limbs ran out, they took hold of my nose, my mouth, my eyes and pulled even harder. For the first time in my life, I have needed to look at my planner, which used to be a joke to me, to make sure I am free on certain days to do certain things; for the first time I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all the things I am obligated to even if I work diligently and get enough sleep and manage my time to its maximum efficiency: and literally, that's how it's been for the past few weeks, not enough time, at all.

I didn't get much sleep this week, and didn't go to several of my classes because I felt quite low. I guess you could say I slept through some of them, but they were not happy slumbers; I was sleeping more to defend myself from my terrible mood and try to rest it up so I could still make it out the rest of the day with a smile.

In the end, it's all about my own choices, the way I plan to manage my time, and how I balance myself under stress and pressure. I have better, higher hopes for next week, even though it means the arrival of the second cell biology midterm and a calculus quiz that I am not prepared for.  Twenty-two units is no walk in the park, and I need to try harder. I have a whole weekend to catch up on sleep, on mood, on all the things I need to do that I've been putting off. I'll put it to good use. :)

145

I find that I am slowly running out of topics to write about. I've been blogging too much about myself lately, which is not a good sign. So, for a change, I was going to write about the different places to eat around the NTU campus, but I thought again, and realized I haven't tried some of the most highly recommended things to eat on campus yet. Mostly because I'm lazy, but also because I tend to stick with the first thing I try from a certain place if I end up liking it. Change does not come easily with me. But I can't think of anything else... so instead, here's a little twist—pictures, with description, of the things I have eaten around here, and how I find them.

Sour milk (酸奶) from 帕咪爾, 公館丁州路小巷子口 (exact address is not known to me). I was foremost disappointed with how stingy the restaurant was, providing its customers with such a small cup, and with no option of a refill. Anyway, that little detail aside, sour milk is uncannily similar to 養樂多 and has an expired-milk taste that is surprisingly not too bad. It's not too milky, but rather sweet and sour. I was skeptical to try it, and I was surprised that I wasn't completely disgusted by the taste. Still, sour milk tastes good cold, but becomes rather unappetizing if you let it sit for too long and it grows warm to room temperature.

Grapefruit QQ (葡萄柚多多) from 家樂福，木柵分店. I should have asked for 微糖 (30 percent sugar) for this drink; it was much too sweet for my liking, and made the fact that it's not real grapefruit juice, but rather fruit concentrate and lots of sugar water, all the more obvious. Still, the tapioca pearls and lychee jelly made up for it. I have a soft spot for lychee jelly. One of the bad things about having small particulate matter at the bottom of your drink, however, is that you become so concentrated on trying to finish them before the liquid runs out that you end up sucking very hard on the straw, trying to get as much as possible—then getting an entire mouthful of juice/tea with nothing in it. It's a constant problem I have with these types of drinks.

巴斯地瓜 from 金山老街，新北市. We went to the 老街 for lunch/an afternoon snack on the day we went to 金青 to check out the facilities and see if they'd be suitable for our orientation camp this summer. Though the entire time we were trying hard to convince ourselves that it'd be a good place to be, it was clearly not, in the end, despite the beautiful beach and oceanfront view—but we did get some good food in the process! 巴斯地瓜 is a dessert consisting of chunks of yam chopped up, cooked, and coated in 麥芽糖  (maltose sugar, according to our good friend Google, but if you're Asian, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about) and sesame seeds. It crackles when you bite into it, and the sugar breaks off into thin films and pieces. It's delicious.

Last but not least, the classic frozen yogurt has slowly made its way to Taiwan. This particular concoction is from Yogurt Art at 公館, near the KFC on 新生南路. I went on a date with Joanna at the beginning of semester two to buy our cell biology textbooks and had a craving for yogurt. I've never really understood the hype with frozen yogurt; each store and its condiments taste exactly the same to me, so I'm not partial to any particular place. Yogurtland tastes just like Yogurt Art, for all I know. Still, the fruit in Taiwan is slightly fresher than the fruit in America, or so I believe, and that's what made this particular one refreshing for me.

To be continued... perhaps! I should study.

144

An empty shell. And that's all I feel.

143

Lately, life has been uncontrollable. I need to teach myself that being chronically sleep-deprived, sleeping at no earlier than three AM every night, and getting up at any time between 5:30 AM and 9:00 AM each morning, is not, unfortunately, a sign of strength, but a lack of time management. Life. My life is consumed by college activities, and it frightens me, how little I speak with my family, how I don't write back to my high school friends who send me letters, how I hardly see my extended family anymore, how much time I spend doing what and what, how I just ... can't do anything, except worry, except do all the things I think I want to do, except I can't always handle them all equally well. I am expected to do so much from so many different people, but only because I agreed to, in the beginning. I have no right to complain, but the pressure I receive from all directions is literally going to kill me one day. I can feel myself wearing so thin, I can't even see myself anymore. I don't even make sense. This post is not supposed to make sense.

142

Putting this here for now, updating it starting tomorrow.


(meme) 10 days of honesty

Day one: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day two: Nine things about your self.
Day three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day seven: Four turn offs.
Day eight: Three turn ons.
Day nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day ten: One confession.

141

too ashamed right now to do anything besides stare blankly at my lab textbook and the computer and my messy desk, then at the camera that I was supposed to put to good use today. why? how could I forget? why do I always do this? why.

140

I feel like with every breath and every smile, every diversion of the eye, I am taking you in. Your smile, your subtle, barely distinguishable face of happiness, your cool and collected nonchalance towards things you deeply care about. Your eyes, and the way they look, the way they perceive the world. Your arms, your strong hands, your posture. The more I see you, the more I absorb your figure, your appearance, your demeanor. I feel like you are like me, in more ways than one. Unafraid to take on the world, accepting every challenge that comes your way, independent and somewhat stubborn, not willing to have someone pull you back from your full potential. I wonder what you're like, beneath that skin that seems to strengthen itself with every move you make. I wonder if there is something about you that weakens you, even when you appear most strong. I wonder what it feels like to be you. I wish I knew you. I wish I could. And I do want to, so, so terribly. But you don't know, you don't know. I used to be relieved that you didn't. But I wish you did, now.

139

This song is so lovely. Ellie Goulding is amazing. I wish I discovered this album earlier. Lights is so, so, so so good. Her voice is gentle, soft, practically communicates lyrics, rather than speaking them. I've never been so smitten with someone I discovered randomly online, and not through recommendation. This song communicates an especial message for me. Thank you, thank you, for pulling me out of the mire that is k-pop. This is so breaktaking.

The Writer - Ellie Goulding

You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lying next to your frame
Girl unobserved
You change your position
You're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be

We're interrupted
By the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent
What's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it
You're wearing thin

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer
Decide the words I say?
Cause I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

Sat on your sofa
It's all broken springs
This isn't the place for
Those violin strings
I try out a smile
And I aim it at you
You must have missed it
You always do

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer
Decide the words I say?
Cause I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

138

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. I woke up happy, though feeling soft and limp all over. I felt blissfully content, but it was a reserved kind of content. I felt wonderful. I know perfectly well why I feel this way, but I'm too embarrassed to explain what it is. I have to pull myself back down to earth. I haven't woken up to this feeling in almost two years, and it makes me so happy that it's finally back.

137

花男，讚哥和我今天在麥當勞吃宵夜
吃東西時
我說，欸，我們三個經理之間，有兩個已有男朋友了⋯ （紀文敏和夏心怡）
花男就說 那雙雙妳就加油咯 以後交了男朋友需要先經過男排得批准才可以喔
... XD
“可以往哪邊發展呢⋯ 系籃？系排已幾乎沒有了啊”
花男：“老大？”
我：“老大是流氓型欸”
花男：“如果你跟我說你喜歡老大，我會說妳瘋了。” 《 －這句！！！超表 超好笑 XD

結果我們坐在那 花男很認真在幫我想幫我找對象 哈哈
他問我會不會考慮學弟 我說不會 他說其實差一歲真的沒什麼差別⋯⋯
是真的啦 但為什麼覺得完全沒有安全感
我條件好多喔 系排幾乎都沒有了⋯ （抱頭）
往外系發展的意思嗎？還是聯誼 XD

(I am hoping none of my classmates/Taiwanese friends see this, because I would be thoroughly embarrassed～)

136

I don't want to study for 台維 ⋯ 考古題 is giving me a bad headache, and I'm not looking at anything except my moleskine planner right now. I even color-coded my schedule to some extent, the end of April and the beginning of May are not looking pretty, at all :(

hmm, well. weekend looks like this:

( 03/23 ) Saturday » 送爸爸去桃園國際機場 » 9:10 回台大 國文小考 » 男排比賽 ( 照相, 記錄 ) 10:30 B隊 vs. 公衛，場A 14:30 A隊 vs. 西格馬A 場A 16:30 A隊 vs. 第一企鵝 場B » 18:30 舊體打普累 ( 03/24 ) Sunday » 隊服營 10:00 @ 4c 教室 » 男排比賽 ( 照相, 記錄 ) 13:30 B隊 vs. 第二企鵝，場B 15:30 B隊 vs. 農經 場A » 晚上：系羽隊聚 @ Bongos

135

已經不知如何面對
一幅沒有我的鏡子
想要尋找 想要冒險
但我老早落地了 我翅膀 被你偷走了
一隻無翅膀 無聲 的鳥

回來 回來 回來
我該如何說服你
不要走

134

I am not liking this rain ; ︵ ; it comes in torrents, at some of the most random times... it was so sunny for the past week, I thought summer was going to be here to stay, but now it's raining and it's cold, which is a big disappointment for April! it started raining, hard, right before we were going to practice kills... that was really disappointing qq :( I came back to my dorm completely soaked and cold after we all went out for lunch together, but it also gave me a good excuse to take shower #2, which definitely felt good :P

anyway, midterms are coming up, but I don't really want to write about them... they're good at ruining the entire mood of a conversation. 衝啊衝啊! those aside, I've been really happy lately, for various reasons :) and midterms probably aren't going to change that, hopefully not!

133

todayyy.

• lab midterm in the morning. we finished at 11:30 this time! I ran back to 漁房 to get my volleyball shoes and change. 妞妞 told me I was going up first because she hurt her knee :(
  
• volleyball game! two kills, two points: two failed kills, two points for ntuba. cancels out in the end, haha ;口; I was too nervous today, but I'm still so happy I got to play.
  
• it was so hot today; I felt like 我有點中暑, so I went back to my dorm and slept ... accidentally, for four hours －ᄉ－
• I woke up just in time to go to the Normandy speech with Cathie and Peter, who tagged along in the end.
  
• it felt really good to wear a dress today :) 今天有三四個人說 “雙雙妳為什麼今天穿得這麼可愛！” and that's why I like to dress up every now and then. not to mention it was ideal clothing for the weather...
• in-class essay tomorrow, 喔不...
  

132

Today, while waiting by the tables on the seventh floor, 陳怡靜 and I were talking and I couldn't stop trying to escape. I didn't want to stay. I wanted to leave, I felt so stupid and embarrassed and uncomfortable. But she held me back, and told me to stay.

At a lull in our conversation, I looked down at my hands. And she said...

"雙雙 其實 妳真的很漂亮。"

She took my face in both her hands and looked straight into my eyes. "Yes. Yes. You are," she said.

---

This post is, of course, not meant to be narcissistic. But I've never, not in the history of what I remember, have had anyone tell me that to my eyes, to my face, in such a sincere manner. My parents haven't even said the same thing to me. My parents told me I wasn't bad-looking. But not once has anyone told me I am 漂亮 to my face and meant it with more than the words. The times I dressed up for prom and looked like a doll for a night don't count. It was as if she was looking past the browned skin from the Taiwanese sun, past the small pimples that won't go away on my forehead, past the messy hair that was getting in my eyes, and looking at me and telling me I was pretty.

Of course, this doesn't mean I have self-esteem issues. I don't think anyone would believe that story, the way I behave around my friends, my classmates, my teachers. But I've never considered myself pretty. It's a luxury to be pretty, and it's not one that I am entitled to enjoy.

I've never had someone say that to me before. And I think about how lucky, how so incredibly lucky I am to have someone like 陳怡靜 look after me. To be there for me when I most need it. To give me the strength to believe that I am as beautiful as I want myself to be. To love myself, and to give me courage in the times when I am most weak.

陳怡靜 妳才是最漂亮的。

131

謝謝你

你有可能不知道 我給你禮物之前 有多麼的緊張
今天李奇展走進漁房 我有問他 你有沒有辦法幫我轉達一樣東西
他叫我自己去 那時我就覺得 不行 不可以沒有勇氣 一定要當面自己給
結果
是陳怡靜牽著我的手進電梯上七樓
是陳怡靜走進實驗室 幫我問你人在不在
是陳怡靜拉著我 不讓我逃 叫我坐下等你回來
如果沒人陪著我去 我或許永遠都沒膽子給你禮物

對不起我晚給你了！但希望你喜歡
生日快樂 要開心喔 :)

130

Mixed doubles for 台大盃 with 亙! I actually had two guys who wanted to ask me to be their partner (not unlike prom for a few girls in high school...) and both did, at the exact same time and place x__x

"台大盃快到了。"

"噢... (thinking: fudge, what am I going to do)..... (轉身) 欸亙! 我問你噢台大盃你有 partner 嗎?”

“沒有啊，我不是有問過你嗎？你想打嗎？”

“嗯嗯好啊！”

“........ 什麼啦，我本來要找她的！"

“啊可是這樣慧詩怎麼辦呢？不然妳可以跟慧詩打不是嗎。”

“不然你跟慧詩打，我跟她打! （笑）”

Er... I shuddered a little and 默默的 shuffled away quickly to put on my sweatpants, HAHA ; ᑎ ; qq I shuffled out of 舊體 pretty quickly after that. I caught 亙 at the door and was going to talk to him, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I'm already playing 大師盃 with 好魚 (something I rather regret promising; I'm not looking forward to getting slaughtered on the first day and come home 句點ing) and I haven't played with 亙 ever. When I play with 亙 we play mixed-style because he can cover the entire court, but when I play with 好魚, he requires me to play doubles-style. When I play mixed for fun, I usually offer to run doubles footwork because I can, and because I want to ease up on the guy's covered area, but when it becomes something that's taken for granted, I just ... ;ᅀ; meh! 亙 also has great 默契 on the court and keeps my mood up in the air no matter how he's doing in the match. Conclusion: I want to play with 亙 dangit! It's not every day you have such a strong partner ask you this kind of question qq

Anyway, I told 好魚 that 亙 had originally asked me first, and I had already made up my mind to play with him, and he was kind of disappointed :(

129

In between the noiseless city and the lights that never dim I am not supposed to think of you. But in twenty years this place will be as much a part of me as you ever were. So as I listen to the piano sonatas that I once could memorize, to the books I once loved to read, I wonder if I have lost my passion for things that I used to find such joy in doing; I wonder if I have lost the ability to love.

128

I walked in and didn't dare look for you. I grabbed the head of one of my classmates, and heard cries of "Hey, you're here!" "Hey! Where are you going to sit?" and I smiled and said hello. And then I saw you. You were sitting in the corner, near the edge of the round table, if it can be said so. I didn't make eye contact with you, but I saw you looking at me. From my hello, to "Where's my seat? That's alright, I'll go fetch another stool." you looked at me, in my direction. And all of a sudden, I didn't regret running my legs off to get on the MRT back to my dormitory, didn't regret the big fall I took on the elevator when dashing too fast up it, didn't regret Peter's joke that I wouldn't make it there until eight (which I beat, for the record), didn't regret the five-minute shower I took with another close fall on the slippery floor. I didn't regret a thing, because I dressed my best and felt my best, and with every smile, every laugh, I could feel my face, and with it my heart, growing warmer. Because who ever knew, how your eyes can make a girl feel like she's a princess?

127

Two-way hug. I loosen my hold and am about to let go, but you hug me tighter.

What a load of mushy oatmeal! (崩潰)

What can I say. I used to know that feeling, too. It's fleeting, but it lingers. Unconscious smiles, unnecessary fidgeting, it makes you a little pile of girly goo. But I haven't met a girl yet who wouldn't tell you it feels wonderful.

126

Not going home is not going to be the right decision in the end, and I know it. In a way, I feel tied down by all the obligations I have, but I'm scared that I have another reason not to return to San Jose. Perhaps this is what a home-identity crisis feels like, not knowing where you belong, not knowing which place to call home, not knowing which place is more worthy of your attention.

I don't regret taking on the responsibilities I have: treasurer/second chairman of 2011 freshman orientation, small-group counselor of life science camp, and unofficial tour guide to my brother and his friends when he comes here for AID this summer. They're my pride, my joy, my happiness. But I am afraid, I am so afraid. Afraid that if I keep this pace up, there's probably no way I'll go home in the summertime, not ever. It's not right. I can't do this to myself.

125

http://coronate.tumblr.com

124

吼。
我已經沒什麼耐心理你們了
大家說 妳需要什麼才來找我是很正常的事 這是文化差異嗎 我覺得一點都不正常 我覺得是無情 不把妳朋友的感受放在眼裡 拋下關心妳的人不管 對你來說是很自然的事嗎？希望妳這樣會開心喔 以後不開心我們可不耍你們了

女排比會計當天我在實驗室裡跑到妳顯微鏡前面說 我們今天要比賽 妳做好了嗎？大家都如此的興奮 妳卻不理我 結果妳到了球場 排球鞋沒穿 護膝沒帶 什麼都沒準備好 我看到妳就很生氣 竟然遲到成這種樣子 還有面子對場上的學姊說話嗎？

最近不只這件事情 其實很多 懶得寫下來 because you're not even worth my time.

我不管了 大家說我比較直接 不想台灣人會比較靦腆 下次你們決定參加我們團體活動如果閃成這種樣子我有可能會無法忍耐直接罵出來了 人家不敢罵我敢 而且我也不會有意思道歉 除非你們想先主動跟大家說對不起 真是夠了

123

The little things that whiz through your mind in the last few minutes before sleep consumes you are not very little at all. For me, they've always been a whirlwind that torpedoes at top-speed across my brain, as the sheep trying to get me to sleep realize that their little fence in the little green meadow has been spun away by said tornado. Nothing is so little in my mind.

After high school I stopped talking about this, because I remember how sick love can make you, and how experience can teach you, it's not wise to rush into any sound relationship without first setting your boundaries and knowing what you want. I sound like such a little girl when I talk about love, but I would be lying through my teeth if I said I don't think about this often. One of my classmates told me that a 學長, while describing me, said he believed I wouldn't end up with someone my own age, because I'm more 成熟, and am more likely to end up with a 學長. And since then I've been re-evaluating myself.

I lay in bed every night, and the last thing that torpedoes through my mind is always this. I stare at the ceiling and clutch the covers, sometimes with my iPod linked to my ears as music flows through my earbuds. And I always wonder, why? Of all the things in the world, why is it that this is what I want most? To be loved, to be married only once, to a person to whom I will give not only my heart, but my life; to have children and raise them to be honorable members of society, to grow old, older with him, to spend the rest of my life committed to one person in all that I do.

This is my 幸福. But why do I dream of things that are so far away?

None of my posts make sense anymore.

122

On Grammatical Errors That Make You Look Like a Positive Idiot

While surfing Facebook, I saw a comment one of my former classmates made on another classmate's photo. Exact wording:

My calves could feed Africa...................but i love you:)

Omg they totally could NOT.... your crazzyyyy gf!

I don't know what exactly it was about these two posts that succeeded in ruining my mood and breaking my concentration for studying 細生; perhaps it was the blatantly ignorant and unforgivable generalization of the first comment, or the grammatical catastrophe of the second. I am positively peevish at the fact that "Africa" has become a large entity to write off starving, dying, and developing country inhabitants. Fallacies. Fallacies everywhere.

Next, it's "You're crazy." You're. You're, damn it, YOU'RE. The fact that even Taiwanese people get this right, and not seniors in your typical American public high school (English is your native language, I think I have permission to fling you across the river for another you're/your confusion) annoys me to no end. I will never understand how you went through eighteen years of schooling not knowing how to differentiate the two, and good Lord, this is something you learned in first grade. I will never understand your English deficiencies when you've grown up speaking it for the last eighteen years of your little life. It doesn't matter half as much on Facebook, but I've graded papers that show the same mistakes, over, and over, and over again. It's a waste of ink, a waste of brainpower, and a waste of my precious red pens. The five below literally make me writhe in pain when I have the misfortune of coming across them.

• You're/Your confusion.
  
• It's/Its confusion.
• Affect/Effect confusion.
  
• They're/Their/There confusion.
• ___ and I, not me and ___.

Another thing I don't understand is seeing things like this, written by American parents, who send their children to school as if they expect them to do any better:

Health Issues (Our major concern)
We concern about the high levels of variable
radio frequency emissions coming from this tower. Leland/Bret Harte buildings in which the children will spend 6-7 hours a day are all in close proximity to the proposed site and the unknown effects of this radiation causes us against the construction of the tower. Besides it will have impacts on the nearby residents’ health as well for sure.

Damage to Property Values
lower the value of our property.

Lack of Disclosure
There is much anger among residents as to the lack of communication from the school board. The public hearing notice was posted on Leland website which was available for the present high school families only. Other interested parties (parents with younger children who will go to Leland/Bret Harte in the future, and Leland High neighborhood residents) were not informed of the potential construction or public hearing. For a project with such an impact, there was no community meeting scheduled to address the residents' or parents' concerns.

Financial Impact
The installation of the tower would bring extra revenue to the
school district. This financial benefit to homeowners will be more than offset by the
decrease in home values of the residents. Additionally this benefit is only assuming the revenue generated from leasing the space. It does not include the potential legal fees that may be incurred. The residents could possibly file suit for damages resulting from property devaluation. Such a suit can reach class action status if hundreds of residents are affected. Also, who will assume the legal liability if any health or other problems are to arise. When considering the small revenue gain from leasing the tower to the huge potential legal liability it is quite clear that there is no financial justification for the construction of this tower.

In a conclusion, we are asking two questions and suggestions:
1> To be fair to all residents who are impacted, do you think they have right to get
their voice heard? Due to inconvenient of hearing time and short notice within
small percentage of people who are notified about this hearing, most of people
couldn’t attend hearing meeting. So we are asking for another hearing chance in
the evening time in Almaden Valley, either at Leland high school or Bret Harte

The presence of a cell tower in our neighborhood will

Middle School.
2> Are you looking at short-term benefit or long term damage to our health and our
wealth?

In a word, we are strongly against building Cell Tower at Leland High school.

If my mother wrote this, I would applaud her. But coming from a parent whose native tongue is English, my lord. The grammar. The capitalization. If I had to grade this last year, I'd just write a huge "NO" in big, red letters over the entire thing and return it to be rewritten. I did it a few times last year, and those people were only students. The abstract of a paper my roommate's mother, who was born and raised in Taiwan, wrote, was better than this.

I also cannot fathom the idea that the minute you become an English teacher, you cannot spell, capitalize, or write sentences with proper grammar. Perhaps I overstate, but the few I have had the misfortune of coming across in high school were no exceptions. Senior year of high school; English 7/8. Every time we received one of her assignment papers, the majority of our class could point out no less than five spelling and grammar errors in under a minute.

Suddenly, the way my chemistry teacher pronounced "quotient" as "kuo-tee-ent" becomes forgivable. What was the point in getting all defensive when one of my classmates, upon finding out I was from California, called Americans fat and stupid? Because to some extent, I don't see a satisfactory level of intelligence to be called otherwise.

121

©

你要相信，相信我會站在你身邊 你要信任我 並面對說服你自己 說孤獨是找出生命美好的開始 不要怕孤獨 先跟自己做好朋友 再去尋找自己的另一半 互相等待 或許 或許 或許

每次寫出這些話覺得自己有夠白癡 thinking out loud 是否是一件好事 還是我該自己存在心裡 不要把自己的心思漏給全時間看？從小我就有很認真在寫日記 到最後網路部落格的大發展就漸漸把思想移到這裡來了

嗯，有在想

我是個很容易受到感動的人 我也非常容易哭出來 小事誤會或戳破一點點 我眼淚就流出了 人家安慰我感到無奈 我自己也想停止 以前我哭我會閉上眼睛哭 朋友圍著我安慰我慢慢讓我冷靜下來 我不停 但現在我了解 哭 只是一種很吸引人家注意的爛招 我現在也盡量不要哭出來了 如果需要哭我絕對不會依賴人家的安慰而再次站起來

但我卻是同學之間最愛笑的人 我崩潰的笑聲 已成為漁房的特色之一了
我自己有點矛盾 有時不太了解我個性到底要如何理解如何解說
然後我不停著想

想什麼呢？

120

©

I was really moved by what 花男 said to everyone today after the boys' match. Concerning what happened this weekend, when 女排 ended up stranded in Taizhong with no way home; he said that 男排 and 女排 are a family, with an especial relationship, however separated we are during matches and practice times. Whoever we choose to dislike, they will support us (this part is kind of a joke, but the general idea holds). In the future, when attending matches, we will go along with them, and they'll be sure to take care of us. He said ... if you guys ever ditch them, I'll yell at you. But if you guys are the ones being ditched, I'll yell at the ones who did it. Basically, 女排不爽哪一隊，我們就不爽哪一隊。It was really, really nice, and really very moving.

I guess I looked a little upset when he was saying this to the entire team. I felt a little responsible, especially because I'm on both teams, one of which ditched the other (it's a long story). But he came up to me and told me to stop 自責ing myself. "畢竟妳也是女排的啊!" and another 學長 stood next to me and added "也是男排的啊!" It was such a warm feeling, in the midst of so much fighting, to know that we'll still support one another, no matter what happened this time. It's comforting to know, that in between all the mean words being thrown around the juniors and pointing fingers at the captain of each sport team, when (seriously) the people pointing fingers forget that the victims are 女排 and not them—there's a 學長 with sensitivity and consideration for others, who can settle everything with righteous seniority.

119

I'm heading to Taizhong tonight for the weekend's bio cup :) I don't know why I feel so excited and bubbly about being there, probably because going to Taizhong is more exotic than going to Taoyuan, in addition to the fact that I have family friends there. I can't wait to be there with our volleyball and badminton teams, supporting, cheering, and playing for both. I anticipate something, but I don't even know what it is yet. I just know something's going to happen... soon. I think a part of me is so excited because I am so lucky. Maybe I'm overthinking. Oh well, off to Taizhong I go! See you all next week.

118

Ick. I've gone through the "gosh, this blog is getting messy" stage more than a hundred times in my short eighteen years. I did some early spring cleaning, though it's only half done. I've been so terribly lazy lately. I haven't had the motivation to write entries, to study, to do all the things I said I would do. I've become scared of myself. Where is the enthusiasm I had for all those things, before I entered college? Where did my passions, my self-control, my life—go? I feel like I'm not living a life right now. I'm just going through motions, motions that don't mean anything, not anything at all.

117

For all my California friends and classmates who delight in the rain, I swear to heaven you will learn to hate it, fast, if you live in Taiwan. Yes, this a post about rain. I've never liked it, but I despise it even more now that I have to deal with it here, all of the time.

After being so glad yesterday, I thought nothing could ruin my mood today, and nothing did, until I crashed head-on into one of my classmates while riding my bike back to my dorm in the rain and broke my handlebars. No one was hurt, but I now have a broken bike on my hands. It's rideable, but extremely hard to do so. I blame the rain.

Imagine having to ride your bike in the rain. One hand is dedicated to holding your umbrella upright, fighting the sideways rain and the wind at the same time, while the other (usually dominant) hand is dedicated to steering your handlebars. Watching out for pedestrians is no walk in the park: if you're on a bike, you dislike people who walk; if you walk, you dislike people on bikes. It's a mutual relationship and it sucks butt.

At least with snow, people walk and riding becomes out of the question. But bikes are still rideable through water, which is why people at NTU still choose to do so, lest they be late for class. If you're like me, and make it to class on time with less than a minute to spare each time, you usually end up riding your bike, no matter how wet you think you're going to get.

Bikes at NTU are ridiculous. It comes to a point where people pull others' bikes out of slots to make space for their own, and those unfortunate people end up having their bikes towed because some idiot couldn't spare a few more minutes finding another space of his own. And on rainy days, bikes become even more of a problem. Those who choose to ride on days like this usually walk in with no dry area except their head. It's positively annoying.

I despise rain. Even more so now that I'm here.

116

受不了的國文課 幹嘛坐在教室 上台演講的人我一句都聽不見 就是超討人厭的同學在後面大笑聊天 都大學了沒想到還是有人有辦法如此的幼稚
老師責備大家 某個同學還安靜說
妳竟然敢用這種口氣對待我 我高中有老師對我們這樣說話會直接被砍！

哼！！ 你生氣個頭啊！！自己錯都不承認 在朋友面前就是如此得顯示酷的現象
我無法忍住 就 roll my eyes 希望沒人看到 但看到我不 care
害我兩堂課好 upset 出教室門超想罵髒話
每個禮拜都一樣
在漁房待到 6:00 抱怨抱怨我超不想去上國文啦～
在課堂坐三個小時 三個小時都在咬牙忍住
出來就可以呼吸了

一個禮拜六個小時真難熬
禮拜三我寧可請假跟男排練球 效率不但比你們多太多 沒有一個像你們那麼白目與幼稚
受不了的死孩子

115

Un coeur de verre, les yeux de papier. Pas possible de l'aimer, sans un sourire pour les jours de pluie. Tu sais, le courage? C'est le chose que les amants ont pour protéger leur amour, mais je n'ai rien de plus. Je pense de votre sourire, votre sourire vraiment doux—et soudainment je ne peux pas accepter, vous allez partir, vous allez partir. Non, c'est pas possible. Qu'est-ce que c'est l'amour, vous savez? C'est le courage d'aimer une personne avec tout de coeur, qui ne vous aime, pas maintenant, pas pour l'éternite. Et c'est pour le meilleur, je sais. Mais je n'ai préparé pas, je n'ai préparé pas. Vous m'entends? Je vous empris, ne part pas de mon coeur.