072

為何台灣人 PO 文永遠宅 PTT!!! 大哭

難怪我覺得來看我部落格的拜訪人物 一直都為此這人數 但沒人留言我也不知你是誰 科科

一個PO文也只不過一兩行～ 我這一個 PO 文不只

為何為何為何 PTT 黑暗暗的! 嗚嗚 (誤)

anyway 看男排比賽永遠是開心的

看到他們今天輸了，還是微笑，我也沒有太難過

加上今天晴朗舒服耶

但拜託下次那件事不要說哪麼大聲好不好 = =

“李雙應該已經把剩下十五分都記下了” fuuuuuuuuuuuu 人家都聽得到欸!!! @_@ (難過) (推敬智頭)ㄍㄧㄚˊ 溪郎

今天體育課練球練得非常開心

效率當然比不上練球時間但還是一樣 good

傍晚爸爸到台北把美國的東東運給我 真是 超 好

科科我爸什麼時候回到台灣我都不知 真是不孝順的女兒阿我

明天和獸醫系打友誼賽 good!

後天跨年～ 那天去看看阿嬤吧 借不到教室我們大一就悄悄瀰漫漁房吧～

還有!! 大一我們要快排戲啦啦啦啦啦啦已經快來不及了!! 三驗逼近呀呀呀 (江奕賢!!!)

唷～ 累了，寫報告 study 時間 李雙 out!

071

I hope no one clicks on this, because I accidentally deleted two of my own posts, and I'm writing them both again to act as fillers because my numbers no longer match up... and also because I'm OCD enough to want to correct them. This is a post. Hope you're having a good day.

070

I hope no one clicks on this, because I accidentally deleted two of my own posts, and I'm writing them both again to act as fillers because my numbers no longer match up... and also because I'm OCD enough to want to correct them. This is a post. Hope you're having a good day.

069

today I...

woke up late, found my passport receipt (in my wallet, of all places!) after a frantic scouring of my entire dorm space, checked timetables for my return flight to California (I can't wait to go home T T), didn't go to volleyball practice (rain, I hate you on Sundays the most, let alone Christmas Day), facebooked with NTULS people (as per usual), listened to a lot of music, ate 7 for lunch, and I'm going to a party with 品淨 tonight.

Not productive. Something is wrong with this picture... other than that, not having to write 結報預報 is really 爽!

068

this post is messy because i don't have the energy to organize my thoughts.

two birthday celebrations today.
i was on edge until the minute i saw them coming back to the 系館
clue: how jonathan asked me to senior ball.
and everything was wonderful from there :) coffee cake and crew, thanks 展展 and 冠宇!

freshmen scriptwriters finally, finally started the new script.
we went up to the ninth floor and sat down with my macbook.
we stared into space for a long time.
we wrote two and a half scenes in one and a half hours.
not going to reveal anything just yet...
but anyone we pick as the new narrator is a poor, poor soul :)

friends
family
ntuls

ahhh you guys are so wonderful!

067

I almost forgot we haven't even started writing the new play script yet. schedules schedulesss /eyes prelim calendar warily... I made this calendar! Why am I not following it?! At this rate we might not produce a new script/actors in time for 三驗 waaaaaaaaah cries /frustrated

In addition:

» calculus quiz & bio midterm this week
» 跨年 plans and preparation
» plane tickets and passport issues and 生科盃 plans and winter break plot
» pamphlet translation by wednesday (yaaaaay definitely not sleeping tonight /kicks self)
» secret santa this friday
» piano practice, two hours/week
» scarves and hats to be completed
» finals (what are finals? 可以吃嗎)
» a million things I need to figure out for 男排
» volleyball + badminton practice 4+ times a week = I am going to die

Theoretically, my life should be sleep-deprived. Yet notice that 80% of these items are not academically-related. Oh Karen, you haven't changed.

066

hmmmm

mmm

聖誕之夜, NTULS Christmas Party select photos... I finally have a camera! 藍寶 lent his G11 to me, YES. Albeit the reason was so I could take pictures of the boys while they practice/play games (the latter is pretty much impossible, actually, because I'm keeping records during games), I asked for permission to take Christmas party pictures, and he said yes! I am so glad.

Joanna 江卓安, our class representative, and also one of the sweetest girls.


Sophomore band～ their covers were amazing!! Blew me away :)


阿彥 was the cutest thing :) he sang 你是我的天使 (to 妞妞, obviously... though he didn't point it out, despite humongous amounts of pressure from the audience) and his voice is so beautiful!


Sophomores :)


The outfit for B2ST's '숨' which the boys covered!


Better looking than the original guys, if you ask me.


章魚，our happy happy classmate, sadly, this picture was taken right after a severe "violation" -- thus the way his hands are posed.


After the party, we had a 火鍋 party, so a few of us headed to the supermarket down the street to buy food. Fact: riding a bicycle down a city street, still filled with taxis and motorcycles, at 12 AM is super, super scary... even more so when you're wearing a jean skirt and wedges x_x


陳毅安，the freshman volleyball beast!


Ahh, fun night :) Hopefully one of many more to come～

065

12/11/2010 Biology Lab Taipei Zoo Outing, photos by 黃馨儀.

在寒冷的天氣裡, 台灣突然變得多麼陌生啊!
從來沒有經驗過寒流的李雙
在孤獨的冷天
站在絕望的邊緣
但。。。

友情 微笑 握手 擁抱

是最大的幸福。

謝謝你們
在今年聖誕節
成為我的家庭
真的 感動

064

I don't have anything exceptionally exciting to say today (or recently, really), except for this...
congratulations to my little brother 小弟, 李丹 ...
for getting a 235 TWO THIRTY FIVE on his PSAT!

hey 弟弟, if you read this:
I almost died when Dad told me over Skype! freaking top one percent, WHAT A BEAST. I even told my roommates, I was so excited!! HAHA one of my roommates was like "WHAT THE FU**!!" and for the record, that's an extremely positive response, especially to something like this. :D Berkeley's all yours; just keep that GPA going! I miss you; I can't wait to go home and hug you and be all SQUEE!!! with you, like old times. I even miss our fights over absolutely nothing. Oh well, I miss you, period!! haha. 加油 ♥

063

每次上臉書看到憂鬱悶悶不樂的狀態... 會覺得很無奈
滿首頁都是絕望的氣氛, 很想幫忙輔助，但卻無辦法安慰
站在愉快及鬱悶的疆界, 我學到選愉快永遠是最好的選擇
我 沒辦法帶給你快樂 但 我有辦法站在你背後
擁抱你 支持你 聽你跟我解釋為難的地方
當你跌跤無力了 我會伸出一隻手 把你拉起來

不管你是誰 一定要記得
有時會覺得全世界反著你 猛烈無心的對著你
但總有一天春天會來 太陽會出來歡呼你
不要太早拋棄夢 讓自己夢想覆滅到黑暗遙遠的地方
繼續 繼續前進 because you can do it.

生活一定要找到 快樂 平衝的生活
我也非常努力地尋找
但 如果不加油 停住留在原位 這才是真正的失敗

大家
加油!!!!!!!!!!!!!

062

f a m i l y—

I could never ask for more than this. I'm so grateful, so lucky. And I am really very, very moved by everyone who told me "沒關係，我們陪你." However small those words mean, they mean so, so much to me.

In a place that is so foreign to me, a place I came to with not a single familiar face in sight, finding friends who are this wonderful is the greatest blessing in the world.

061

take one.........


aaaaand take two.

home seems so far away.

060

為什麼
一句話
就讓我心情變這麼差

其實不管我星期三有多麼的開心 －而且我今天非常開心
ABC 堂上國文課一定會把心情拉下來
最不喜歡上僑生國文課 受不了班上的同學
覺得周圍的人永遠無法跟我相處 就算班上有人想靠近我 我也馬上往後退一點興趣都沒有
個性 實在差太多了 看到有些學生上課的表現 真的很想走出去大叫
所以上課我不喜歡應該很正常

結果回到宿舍爸打電話給我
聊了一陣子 有的沒的
結果最後爸爸問我 “為什麼你都不問你奶奶的情況？”
讓後我就.................... I'm sorry?
“你很像沒感覺的樣子.”

是。喔! 其實我真的沒感覺。我從小到大很少跟我奶奶相處，你真的覺得我會有沈重的感覺嗎?
為何我每次打電話都一定要問一次? 我平常打過去都會問一問
一次不問就被 point out
為何?

心情不好了。great.

059

1. 聖誕卡寫不完了!!! 如果在這兩天內不送出去就不會準時到美國了啦... T T
/writing at top speed...

2. 今天真的好冷 溫度突然降低 但跟美東部來比這是小事
對我來講 其實跟舊金山區的冬天還溫暖一點 XD 所以... 也不會太在意
其實我很愛寒冷的天把全身包起來穿好幾件夾克出門 : ) 很溫暖的感覺
(特別是有跟朋友在一起的時候 覺得更溫暖!!)

3. 本來今天一開始很怪...
明明就睡了整整八個鐘頭早晨起床竟然熊貓眼有一寸長
QQ 這是哪招! 結果我微積分課遲到, 也很差勁 : (
唉 微積分上完我很無奈 但...

4. 晚上去練排球 真的心情變得好開心
手已經很癢了 碰到球我好哈匹～ : )
加上看男排在旁邊練心情也變好
練習結束老大把經理叫過去說有話要跟我們講 那我也想參加 所以我就快快收收操去聽～
老大說的話我好感動 到最後大家喊一二三謝謝經理 更感動
真的好愛男排隊員, 你們是最溫馨的家庭!!

5. 關於下面 058 PO 文 ... 真的不知該從那裡開始說故事 XD

大家一起加油 我也會用力加油!!

058

yesterday, and today.

very HIGH days.

mmm. I'll have a post about this when I come home. :)

057

其實我不想這樣
看到你 我會難過
本來以為 有辦法和你做朋友
為什麼這麼快就會有摩擦?

但 我覺得你得好好反省反省
為何我們關係現在冷冷的 為何大家對你的印象會變成這樣
一開始我覺得我有法幫忙你
覺得如果你願意改進，我可以支持你讓這條路走得順利點
但 我是不是錯了?

如果你要證明我幫忙你是對的
那你就好好想一想 你自己的態度對別人會有什麼種影響
想一想 你把朋友當什麼?

如果你不想證明 永遠會留在原位
那我最對不起的人 就是我自己

056

Time for a rename! I find I do this rather often, hopefully I can change that ...

I am not particularly fond of my blog name. I made it on a whim and without much thought; I actually never thought I'd be posting here so often. I've been trying to find a new name for a week or so now ;___; in the end I dug up a few of the old blog names I made, selected one, and decided on...

bonjourtaipei → interlights

For my lovely friends who have my blog bookmarked or remember it via URL, heads-up! :)

055

desktop, typical night :)
喔喔我開始變越來越像台灣人了 怎麼桌面全部都是中文 科科啦

054

I want...

。to buzz myself through the gates at 公館捷運站, jump on the MRT going anywhere, it doesn't matter; stop at a random stop, get off, come up and look around.
。to get on my bicycle and bike off campus and find a park where I can stop, sit down, and watch the sun go down while lying on the grass.
。to rush up the stairs to the thirteen floor of our 系館 at 10:00 at night with a blanket and a medium latte from Seven; sit with it cupped between my hands and watch the stars, with the Taipei 101 glowing in the distance; sit there for hours and not worry about a thing.
。to run away with you, holding your hand, laughing and smiling the entire way, as I always do with people I most love, the people who mean the most to me.

不知道該怎麼說
但 覺得生科 b99 真的好好
溫馨 熱血 high 快樂 微笑
真的 好愛你們
大家要加油 我們一起加油啦!

053

弟弟， 我好想你
看到你部落格 讀到你在學校的新消息 我真的好開心
好久沒有聽到你聲音了... 太久沒有通 Skype 了
但我知你一定功課忙翻了 所以我也盡量不吵你
等不及二月看到你和媽媽
會給你帶好多好多好吃的回家
I love you, hope you are well.

052

(現在應該是讀書或睡覺的時間，但今天實在很快樂，一定要先寫下來 以後要盡量這樣過生活)

今天早晨 6:03 起床 (用心的慧詩學姊竟然打了八通 morning call 給我... 害我好羞愧 T T)
去練羽球！雖然只有睡到 4 小時精神非常好，打了將近兩個小時
早上練球真的讚欸 那種感覺跟傍晚練完全不同
練完球去女九買早餐 我第一次吃女九的早餐
讚啦!!! 真的很好吃 慧詩學姊真的對我太好了，還載我回大一女 =)

上微積分 心情算不錯
雖然有趴桌一下並沒有很久

下午也就沒課啊～
一下課就陪愷欣去SEVEN買中餐 去共同吃 一邊聊天一邊吃
聊到系上的活動與人性
和愷欣聊天 我永遠快樂～
接下來的時間就待在漁房... 讚哥，怡靜，昱雯還有其他同伴們幫我讀小說
好愛你們喔

晚上去地震練排球 看到有場就會開心起來
今天 球感算不錯 我現在盡量能夠接到位了！
和妞妞 & 昱雯跑動船 跑了超過一百遍 讚～
謝謝若晞陪著我們練給我們建議改變我們姿勢！

今天總共練了 6 小時的球...
早起... 精神好好 以後一定要這樣過生活
效率也會變好

我真的好開心 =) 好吧，雙雙要睡覺去了～ 晚安！

051

si on peut voyager au temps passé, quelle route est-ce que tu choisirais?
si on peut voyager au temps passé, à quelle personne est-ce que tu promettrais ta vie?
si on peut voyager au temps passe...

on veut toujours la possibilité de voyager au temps passe,
mais on oublie, de temps en temps, la beauté du temps présent.

050

已經很久沒聽這首歌了
但今天早上突然找來聽 想起 ...
沒想到我聽不到一分鐘眼睛就充滿了眼淚 開始哭
從來沒有為這首歌哭過

好感動 卻想不起有什麼事情 ... 會引起這個反應?

049

· NTULS 男排 B 隊今天勝利！讚爆了
Q南 有一球發不好結果就冒出個 "幹～" （遮嘴）
場旁的人都轉過來跟我說 “這球記 Q南：幹!" XD

當球莖其實很愉快啊 =) 能夠屬於男排大家庭感覺很溫馨

· LUXY 舞會決定不去了... 有莫方面是因為覺得不舒服, 只有小馬和林柏澄一起去會不對勁 特別... 因為我完全沒有碰過酒 當天晚上我也一定堅持不碰 所以不想給自己創造困擾難過 覺得氣氛不對 要避免那天晚上會感到的傷心。

· 老爸一陣子就要回美國了看媽媽和小弟了 (嫉）哇～ 聖誕節馬上就要到了
明天我要記得去廣南買聖誕卡喔！實驗課之後就要去買
還有 禮拜四 黑黑要載我去買腳踏車 所以我也得盡快去拿證件

aigoo, 晚安 ：）

048

and how did I ever pass you by,
if you were always looking at me.

當我的天空不停著下雨你是我的傘
等待 等待一個永遠不會出現的晴天

047

It takes...

three months away from California to make me fully appreciate the place I left. I was looking through Emilie's photo album when I was on a break from writing labs... I saw the open space, the street painters, the parkside fountains. I saw Emilie and her friends, bundled in boots and scarves and coats, sitting on the benches as if out they spent the day shopping, having coffee, and finally a stroll in the park. I can't find that here. It's completely different, no matter how I look at it.

It's Thanksgiving and I'm in Taiwan. It's not existent here... and I have never been so homesick. If you've never had the fortune to experience it, I can't describe it to you. It's a time of year when family and friends come over for dinners and bring food and good cheer. The streets are full of people, bundled up in earmuffs, boots, and mittens, hustling and bustling everywhere for holiday preparations. The air feels so good, and the spirit of the season permeates everything and everyone. How can you feel dismal when you're surrounded by happiness?

Some people call it stressful and somewhat corporate, and I was no exception to that. But now that I don't have any of it anymore... I miss it so much. I'm learning to appreciate what I have when I do have it, because one day, I might not anymore. This applies to so many recent events and feelings I've been experiencing.

Holiday cheer... is really the greatest blessing I've ever received.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

046

當比賽開始 當槍聲在空中響出 你是兔子 還是烏龜?
我卻兩個都不是 我卻是落後 根本不向前跑的小椰林
在空中晃來晃去，隨著風帶著我走 但我不動 留在原位 慢慢晃

難道我是永遠不敢前進的植物嗎? 我的生命意義... 就這樣嗎?
我以前是完全相反 我要做的事 當我下定決心 沒有任何人有辦法限制我的夢想
不管河是逆著還是順著流 我會堅持前進 達到夢想，再下車

為什麼 我失去了我的堅持?
為什麼 待在原位 我不會在乎?
為什麼 永遠覺得在原位 無法找到快樂
但我已經無力 去追求愉快?

我是否已經放棄我自己了?

045

紀文敏說我很有美國人的風味
ㅠㅠ 有點想哭 文敏說台灣人比較害羞 我比較直接
aigoo 我是不是太兇了 囧 要 mellow 點

(8:00pm)

雙雙想去逛街啦～ 需要買衣服＋新的皮夾啦 QQ
媽媽希望我回美國買衣服 價值比較好
叫我上網去找我想要的衣服 她幫我去買 甚至幫我試穿等 XD 媽媽對我真好
難得買衣服 反正我也不常去逛街
覺得我一個人去逛，特別是在台灣，會怪怪的...
唉 回家買還是比較好
同學們你們來美國玩啦～ 保證不會失望 XD

(10:54pm)

writing a letter to you, reminiscing on everything that happened before I left, is breaking my heart. as the pen moves across the paper and the words come tumbling out, I miss you more than ever. I wish you were here... I never feel quite complete without you.

044

I feel hurt, though the person who hurts the most isn't me. But I don't want to take sides. That never helps. I want to be the needle that sews up the loose stitches... of an otherwise beautiful and perfect dress. Everything will be fine in the end. All it takes is a little patience, an open and forgiving heart, and a smile.

Just smile, forgive, and love.
Love unconditionally. Love with no boundaries. Love with your heart, not with your eyes.

Just love.
You'll never be alone.

043

currently /kicking/ myself for the emo post below = = one song should not have the power to have that kind of impact on me. every high school experience has ups and downs, but it's not worth all the emotions I wrote down there. all of it is in the past, and that's all that matters to me: the fact that it's no longer a part of my present.

even though today was an emotional rollercoaster, too. on a few different levels.

but I don't have time to think about the feelings I experienced today, neither should I make time to think about this when I have other more pressing matters at hand ... like a bio midterm tomorrow morning?

FOCUS.

042

到今天
我還記得非常清楚
那天晚上 永遠存在我腦海裡

這首歌 最後一首歌
每次聽到都引起以前的回憶

還記得 在黑暗安靜的舞池上看到你和你舞伴
還記得 我和我舞伴在舞池上的感覺
還記得 我經常回頭看你
還記得 你臉上的表情 閉上眼睛，慢慢地跳
看到你 發現我們過沒多久就要分開走不同的路
我要回台灣讀大學，你選擇留在加州讀

還記得 我回頭 那天晚上在舞池上
拋棄我們從前的一切
但我們一起走過的友情 無法磨滅

但現在 已經將近三個月沒連絡了
我卻一點感覺都沒有了
以前的事 我已經不放在心上了 對我來講 這已經不算痛苦了
但聽到這首歌
以前的印象突然跑出來

我已經不再害怕了

Two is Better Than One—Boys Like Girls

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

041

shameless pimping:

http://honeylights.livejournal.com/

The advantage of putting photographs on LJ instead of blogspot is that you can cut it so it doesn't take forever to load on the page. Some pictures will end up there that don't end up on Facebook, and I usually match them with a few lines of English at the end.

: ) documentation of NTU life is coming along nicely!

040

public announcement!

看到這章 PO 文的台灣同學們：

我寒假時會回美國探望家人朋友。機票已經訂好了 ^^ 我回去的時間大概有兩個禮拜，最多也只能待這麼久，還有生科盃要打... 科科...

理論上我行李應該不多，我頂多帶幾件比較保暖衣服回家，幫媽媽帶幾包茶葉鳳梨酥等等！這樣說，我回來就有辦法幫忙帶幾樣你們想在美國買到的東西！譬如說衣服糖果 Move Free 等等。當然我沒有辦法帶太多，所以如果想要我幫你帶東西回來，要盡早跟我講！

還有就是 非常貴的東東我沒辦法: 我知道很多人會希望我在美國幫忙買 iPHONE 4，因為便宜了非常多。其實我擔心的不是錢，我比較擔心的是因為 iPHONE 4 本身很貴重，如果有太多人要我買，我帶回來台灣我害怕有安全的問題，如果發生任何以外很危險。

如果想要我幫忙帶美國貨，盡早跟我說，我才有辦法想我有沒有辦法帶，也要想想我要去哪買才好 XD 希望都塞得下... 嗯嗯!

English translation:

Hello lovelies! : )

I'll be flying home to California for the first time in half a year at the end of first semester, around the end of January, or mid-February. NTU's winter break starts on 1/17, and ends on 2/17(18?), so it's about a month long, but I'll only be back in America for two weeks because I have two sports tournaments to attend here during break... volleyball and badminton : ) I look forward to seeing you guys during my time back in San Jose～ (yes, badminton kids, I will be visiting you!! You guys had better be conditioning/shaping up your game by the time I land in California. Or else.)

On my way back, I won't have much luggage... probably just a few warm pieces of clothing and a few bags of tea and pineapple cakes for my family. Is there anything you guys would like from Taiwan that I can bring you? Snacks, clothes, candy, night market food (jk about that last one)... anything in that range is fine by me : ) If you'd like anything, please be sure to tell me as soon as possible so I can note it and budget enough time to get it for you! E-mail me, FB me, anything of that sort works.

This mostly applies to my Taiwanese friends, but I won't be able to bring the most expensive things (a lot of my classmates are apparently coveting iPhone 4's... and I'm just not too sure how that's going to work out) so sorry about that, in advance. It's not so much the money I'm concerned about, but bringing such expensive items in my luggage is kind of dangerous @@

: )

039

my roommates all went home tonight : ( four people to a room is really awesome when everyone's here, but when all three of them are gone, it feels so empty! when I was at 漁房 my classmates were joking about how some guys should come and stay over ... but that would never happen, considering how conservative I am and how they're not even allowed up to the rooms the first place.

at the same time, I kind of like having the room to myself for a change. I can photobooth without looking like a camerawhore (which I clearly am, as you can tell...) and study... oh yeah, forgot about that part. off I go!

p.s. keke still hooked on this song.

038

today is a day like any other, but tomorrow will be even better.

I need my knitting needles, quick :( I need an outlet for creativity! It's stirring in my stomach every day with no outlet, and I need to get a move on with Christmas gifts. At the rate that I made Kimberly's gift last time, I can produce one hat in five hours if I work nonstop. Which means a day of knitting will yield approximately two (...and a half) hats. Bring it! Daddy will bring them to me from 新竹 next week.

I talked to Claire via Skype today! For those of you who don't know her, you are definitely missing out...

Friends since second grade :) She met a lot of my classmates in 漁房 who caught wind of my conversation and came over. Aish, I miss you, let's talk again, soon.

Study break, over! Back to chemistry.

037

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

036

Il paraît que les nouvelles ne sont pas si bonnes
Que le moral descend, et que les forces t'abandonnent
J'entends, tous les gens
Parler de tes histoires
Que l'avenir qui t'attend se joue sur le fil du rasoir

Qu'en est-il de l'amour ? Des larmes et de la peine ?
De la vie de tous les jours ? De la paix sereine ?

Allô le monde
Est-ce que tout va bien, allô le monde
Je n'y comprends plus rien, allô le monde
Prends soin de toi, allô le monde
Ne te laisse pas aller comme ça, comme ça

Quel est le nom du mal dont tu subis la fièvre ?
Les étranges idéaux, les hystéries funèbres ?
Dis-moi ce que je peux faire de ma petite place,
quels sont les actes et les mots qui peuvent t'aider à faire face ?
Pousser à la révolte, pour faire le premier pas,
semer pour qu'on récolte, pour crier ton effroi...

♫ Allo Le Monde / Pauline

035

gee compared to the volume of posts I usually churn out, it's been a while!
I guess it's because ...
IT'S MIDTERM SEASON LOVELIESSSSS

time to get slaughtered or ... owned
or hopefully take the ed's off both of those words
and show those exams who's boss : )
加油, 大家!

also, december is an exciting month

· 聖誕之夜 LS christmas celebration! 12/17.
· daddy is going home for christmas. I alternate between being supremely jealous and being supremely excited... because this means I'm in taiwan by myself, which should definitely be an interesting experience. his plane leaves the night of 12/17.
· 九社舞會 dance @ LUXY! 12/20.

but first ... let's go get those midterms.

a reason to start over new, and the reason is you.

♫ The Reason / Hoobastank

034

I want to pull an all-nighter.

... but I know I'll never be able to handle staying awake tomorrow morning. Must. sleep. I will finish this. I'm finally done reading, time to finish practicing.

(p.s.) to anyone who sees this, and hopefully you know who you are ... you really mean the world to me, the way you held me up today in my time of trial. When I was ready to collapse I cried, and you were patient and kind to me when I thought I couldn't hold it together. NTULS is seriously, seriously the best. I promise I'll work even harder.


... also honestly,

I am seeing pictures of my high school on facebook everywhere, and I MISS HOME SO MUCH.

033

我讀這篇中文文章
查生詞查到快哭
雙雙你今晚也別想睡了
但 我一定睡覺之前要把這個
完成～～～！！！！！

覺得我什麼都做不完，做不好
準備期中考 我覺得我在準備失敗而已
要寫報告，準備考試，寫作文
周圍的人的作業比我多好幾背
我卻無法跟上最基本的課程
什麼都混亂

無論如何 不管是準備失敗或成功
到最後我都得把全力擺出來用
衝啊 我要加油

雙雙 你做得到
要有信心。加油喔！！！！！！！！

032

覺得好累，身體也不太舒服。
覺得今天打球有點怪怪的
回到宿舍不太開心 heavy-hearted 全身無力，弱軟
但現在不能休息。。。下禮拜要期中考要認真準備！

所以。。。我給自己打打氣：

雙雙你得加油 不要放棄 現在不要休息 繼續向前衝 你做得到 把全力叫出來用
要開心打起精神來，讀書認真有力
這樣才有辦法成功！
加油加油，一切都會非常值得！！！

031

哭哭

地 點：漁房。李雙：坐大一桌旁邊寫普化 男生：在另外大一桌圍著林柏澄電腦 （周杰倫 “七里香” 開始播放）男生：笑得開心 李雙：我也想看/聽！（快樂跳過去）林柏澄：不要讓她看到!!!!!!!!!! (遮電腦）!!! 李雙：為什麼我不能看?! 李奇展：沒有為什麼 李雙：這樣～喔～ （寂寞戴起夾克帽子慢慢走回原位，繼續寫無趣的普化）～ 落淚 ～ 男生為什麼要欺負女生 （生命大問題）

♫ 髮如雪 / 周杰倫

030

Come out from under my roommate's desk.

I've smacked two of your cousins tonight and you will be the third to die. It's 2:42 AM and I have no time for your games. But I will not sleep until I have you crushed in the palm of my hand. If I sleep, you'll just feast on me as I dream. I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. I am going to sit here and do chemistry until you show yourself.

COME OUT, YOU COWARD OF A MOSQUITO.

(p.s. I just realized how ridiculous I sound)

(257am)

Fine. I'll sleep. I'll never wake up in time for class tomorrow if I don't.
THIS IS NOT THE END. I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD IF YOU DARE COME NEAR ME (or my roommates) TONIGHT.

(730am)

HEE I KILLED #3 THIS MORNING.

029

For the past few days I've been getting a lot of red, itchy spots over my arms and legs. Consider it chicken pox, except inflated. Some of them are swelling, and I guess it's safe to say they're splotchy and gross and bordering on a rash. Some nights I wake up and my entire body is screaming agony because they itch so terribly. By the looks of them, and by the rules of logic, they don't look like mosquito bites to me, especially because I spent the majority of the past weeks in long sleeves and long pants. So, what other possibility is there...?

I like to think I keep my living space clean. I dust, I sweep, and I wash everything regularly. But this rash is indicative of something in my dorm, on my bed, near my desk, that I'm allergic to... or something that I haven't been doing a good job of keeping clean. The latter possibility makes me really sad, because this would then become something I'm scared to tell on a blog, considering the fact that it then becomes a hygiene problem. But really, I have no idea what it could be! I think I'll go to the health center on Monday to get it checked ..

Also, I finally killed a second mosquito last night. Considering it was 1:20 AM, I scared my roommates when I slapped it against my desk... and I apologized and explained how I'd been wanting to kill it (and its friend(s)) so badly for the past two days. I am convinced there are more in there waiting for me when I change or put on shorts to go shower.

♫ 바라보기 / IU

028

今天。。。
好好玩 （又來了）
中午上完普生 我們一群就一起出去吃飯～ 吃甘醬義大利麵
結果發現我們拖太久 因為今天也又慶祝章魚 + 承勳的生日
趕回系館結果已經快切蛋糕了 QQ
發現一個蛋糕太硬切不了～ 結果我跑回宿舍拿鐵刀
收到李奇展的電話說大家都在等我 那時我就開始用跑的 T T 回到系館好喘
啊我們大家聚在一起總是快樂 =)
下午上體育課 無趣的體操。。。但也上得蠻累
上完體育課 和章魚＋林敬智＋詹凱欣 去排球場 在雨裡打排球喔
看起來像一群呆子在雨裡打球 但我們玩來玩去玩得好開心 恩恩我好愛排球 : )
結果發現國文課取消，高興極 回宿舍拿環保筷先吃飯再說，
結果竟然睡著?!?!?! 李雙你這是哪招
回漁房讀化學沒讀到多少結果一堆 b99 回來 就聊起來了
後來跟林柏澄 ＋ 霍魯恩 ＋ 江奕賢去公館吃宵夜/晚餐 啊啊挺快樂的
吃割包喝 3E 飲料
現在回到宿舍該讀書了！

每天都好快樂 發現周圍的人開始變成熟悉的朋友
有溫暖的感覺 真幸福 ♥

027

今天和林柏澄去活大買飲料，打電話給江奕賢問大家想喝什麼飲料，結果聽到的響聲是韋禮安的 “因為愛” ... 不知道為什麼聽到這首歌我都會很想哭，而且我有印象我有次聽到真的哭出來。

因為愛，所以愛

珍惜在一起的愉快

一分開，你不在

懷念空氣裡的對白

因為愛，所以愛

讓我付出我的關懷

不管風吹或日曬

我才明白一切都是因為愛

站在十字路口，等待一個永遠不會來的你，是心懷最痛苦的故事。

p.s. 我這個禮拜要回新竹家 ... 禮拜六上完中文就會出發，所以我週末也不會在漁房出現 ... :)

026

今天和我爸爸講 Skype

他說我媽媽生病了
媽媽連起床都起不來 講話也只能安靜的講 甚至連話都說不出口
我好擔心 雖然這不是第一次發生，因為我媽媽本來就是體力沒有太好的人 我第一次聽到媽媽起不來連話都說不出來
我也聽的出來爸爸也跟我一樣擔心

我最擔心的不是媽媽的健康 我是害怕沒有人在家照顧她
我弟弟今年功課非常忙 幾乎沒時間沒辦法處理任何不屬於功課的事
他每天在學校 早上誰幫他準備早餐？我弟弟不太會做家事；而且，誰幫我媽媽準備東西吃？我弟不但是不會，他根本也沒有時間。這點我倒是忘了問爸爸。

還有更多
爸爸說這個禮拜去看我奶奶嚇了一大跳
因為我姑姑要回泰國，我爸爸要回新竹，我奶奶心情不好
結果奶奶竟然假。裝。中。風。 就是 我爸姑姑問她問題她都不回 回都是怪怪的回應
結果隔天就好了 ?!?!?!?!
哇我聽了快崩潰了 我奶奶竟然還用這招。。。。。。。。。。。我真的無話可說。

我掛斷候真是難過。。。
結果我室友聽到我和我爸的對話 問我是怎樣。。。
結果宸儀也非常貼心 就主動問我要不要替我媽媽奶奶禱告
低頭閉上眼睛聽宸儀禱告
禱告完 宸儀說上帝的幫忙和愛是沒有條件沒有限制 需要就會幫忙
她說得話 我好感動 聽了都快哭出來了


神，拜託你，一定要保護我媽媽 讓她康復回復體力 不然我現在那麼遠我也不能回家照顧她我會非常擔心

同時，拜託你，給我力氣，讓我讀書有力有決心，讓我保持健康的生活習慣不要讓我爸媽操心


(eh, translation coming later... too tired to write it now.)

025

It's 3:30, and I can't sleep. Or more accurately, I tossed around feeling troubled for half an hour, then got up and gave up. Some say it's not wise to go to sleep angry or frustrated, so I thought I'd get up first, calm down a bit, and go back and try again. I met Claire online by chance and we just finished Skyping, though I was talking in whispers most of the time... thankfully & hopefully I didn't wake up my roommates in the process, in which case I would be extremely sorry.

Talking to her made me feel much better, because hearing the familiar voice of a friend I have known since second grade is the best consolation I can have. Thank you for listening to me vent about something so trivial and comforting me to help me calm down, it means so much ♥ Keeping in touch with my high school friends is hard, but when we do contact and chat and reconnect, I feel so happy!

Ah, I have class in about six hours. Since I'm feeling better, I think it's time to go to bed and try again. Thank you again, Claire! I miss you.

024

>:(

I am annoyed with you. I'm trying to help you. If you don't want me to, I will drop everything and leave you alone. But I will never be able to tell if you don't tell me anything. There are no strings attached. It's what I would do for any other friend. But are you one?

Maybe I put too much heart into the moment when it comes to things like this. In the future, I will back off and back down. Because you very obviously do not want my help.

Fine.

023

hrm... I feel like writing something comprehensive, but I have a feeling that it's going to come out as word vomit. Soooo, some things I want to say to certain people, I guess. Anonymous, otherwise the purpose is defeated!

1. 加油，你一定做得到，要有信心喔 如果需要幫忙 我扶你 不要太擔心 ：）
2. (hug hug hug) 我愛你！♥ I love you and I will stand by you.
3. I miss you, and I wish we could talk more :( I want to hug you. I wish you weren't so far away.
4. My dad advised me to let go of the anger I feel towards you. In the end, it's never worth it. Given my personality, it's hard for me to let go.
5. 看到你我就會開心起來 ：）一定要快樂喔！
6. You are beautiful～ you are beautiful! Sarang hae yo ♥

What a random post.

022

any way you want it, that's the way you need it!



anyway

today:
it rained. and rained some more.
i came to 漁房 this morning and found out my chemistry textbook was locked in my locker and i had no key. i totally blew up (not intentionally) at 林柏澄 and was like GARFHSDLFHG DO YOU KNOW MY TEXTBOOK IS INSIDE !!! >:( hehe sorry 大雄

i had a 巧克力鮮奶油鬆餅 from 小木屋 today after lunch and i ate it too fast. this is how i get fat.
肥皂哥哥是蝦咪啊 keke :) 不要擔心形象啦沒事的

in the afternoon i had to do my chemistry labs alone
i forgot to wash my lab coat after i spilled my 便當 on it last week... hello, big orange stain on the bottom right hand corner. slightly embarrassing but whatever!
i have to say it was really scary coming to class and realizing my partner wasn't coming (i could have sworn he said the week after next... 嚇了一大跳)
昱雯 pinched a mosquito off my face before class, but now i have two big bumps near my forehead and i am sad. taiwanese mosquitoes won't leave me alone!! i thought they'd lay off now that winter is around the corner...

i had 炬烤 for dinner! with my roommate + 心怡 and 怡靜 :)
and i fell asleep at 7, intending to get up at 8
i woke up at 10:30 and i was like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
my roommate had just walked in and when i sat up she gasped and ... stared at me.
it was awkward because i'd just woken up and wasn't half awake yet

day one, complete. let's go!! 加油加油

021

When you start using Chinese every day with everyone, and English surfaces once in a blue moon... (Even Delia and I use Chinese when talking with one another)

...you start to realize all the things you know how to say in English that just don't come out right in Chinese. For some reason, I've been stuttering a lot lately, and sometimes the words don't come out in a full, smooth sentence. Lately, when people talk to me on MSN I'll read the message and think ... wait. what? *reads it again* and I STILL don't understand it. Today I was talking with one of my classmates and it was the first time I've ever said "I don't understand your Chinese..." and then I re-read it... and still didn't understand! I knew every character and what each character meant, but my brain just wasn't processing it correctly.

This evening 品淨 asked me to help her with a listening exercise, and the words "metadiscussion" and "sub-argument" came up. First off, what the heck is metadiscussion? : ( Should I be ashamed that I had no idea what it was... [edit: a discussion about a discussion. Awesome.] I found it hard to explain to her what the text was saying, and thankfully, being a 外文 major, she could understand some of the English words I had to substitute in my explanation.

Something is wrong with me : ( 如果來讀台大中文要夠好啊～ Mom made me review all those proverbs and read more Chinese texts before I came to Taipei for a reason... so I definitely cannot stop here. Go go go ~ 保證我中文一定會進步 加油雙雙 妳可以的

020

GAH I AM BLOGGING THIS EVERYWHERE IT IS SUCH A GEM
this (fan-made) music video is making me crazy IT'S SO GOOD
FU 超讚的 哇噻 從來沒看過這麼讚的韓劇 MV 而且是 FAN 出的



AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I AM OUT OF BREATH.
it is rare to see the fangirl in me come out like this nowadays. GAAAAAH ♥
if this doesn't convince you to watch 原來是美男 / You're Beautiful,
then I'm convinced that nothing else will.

ghsldkfjgahdl;kjghalsdkjfbnslfdkjf ahhhhh ♥
我瘋掉了 哇噻哇噻哇噻～～～

019

today was awesome. quite possibly the best day I've had at NTU thus far. despite the fact that I got home past midnight and a few accidents... I actually really enjoyed today. looking back, it was a buttload of fun.

• after sleeping at 3:30 AM last night I can't believe I dragged myself out of bed at 8:15 AM ... willingly (not exactly, I had to finish my lab report) and I didn't nap at all today.
  
• 9:10 - 12:30 生物實驗 (bio lab) we were the first ones to finish! 愷欣 and I ran into 小綠賢 on the way down from 405 and I decided to stay back and wait for the rest of the crew to finish.
  
• 林敬智 and I won the bet on how many pages 水壺男 would write for his lab report >:] fifteen pages. we are awesome. give me five! hey guys, you owe us drinks!
  
• 12:30 - 3:00 lunch @ 女九. 奇展 and I played the staring game, but obviously, I lost. laughing is just too natural for me. then, 章魚 + 奇展 challenged each other. love forever and ever. faces: 15 centimeters apart.
• 李奇展's story about getting a girlfriend. HAHAHA. one day I will write it down...
  
• drinks @ eslite bookstore with 王昱雯，林柏澄，林志豪，李奇展，江亦賢，夏心怡，黃馨義，讚哥 :]! I took 昱雯 to eslite on her bike, and near the main entrance, I swerved a curve and she shrieked and we almost crashed. obviously, 林志豪 and 林柏澄, who were close behind us, saw... and they made fun of me >:[
  
• came back to 漁房 with 林志豪. biology lab picture excursion with him, followed by 讚哥 and 林柏澄. if you like taking pictures of lots and lots of weedy-looking plants, this was actually a lot of fun. we walked all around NTU trying to find the proper plants to photograph.
  
• stole 林柏澄's bike and biked back to my dorm to get my camera cable... almost fell in the gutter on the way back -.- came back to 漁房 and realized I needed my laptop to transfer pictures so I'd have room for pictures/videos for 同樂會, so I ran back to my dorm, got my laptop, and by the time I got back to 漁房 I was extremely out of breath and energy... then I turned into a pile of mush and cried (not literally) on 夏心怡 because I felt so bleh >:[
  
• 同樂會 I BROKE MY CAMERA a second time. this is ridiculous. two minutes before peter got on the stage for I Me My Mine I dropped it and the lens got stuck. so I basically cleared my memory card for nothing. SIGH. no pictures from 同樂會 :[ I am sad.
• 同樂會! :) hehe birthday: 夏心怡: 李雙!!!!!!! /SHRIEKS ensue hehe
  
• 泡茶團/老人桌 I ran into 卓安 on the way up to 漁房 and she wasn't particularly interested in joining the 同樂會 activities (it's true, watching from the sidelines isn't as fun) so I talked with her at a table near the trees outside our 系館. 林志豪 and a bunch of other students joined us while 同樂會 activities went on in the background. we talked for an hour... or two? anyway everyone else listening to 同樂會 called us a bunch of old foggies because we were immersed in our own little world on the sidelines.
  
• 豆花 at 公館 with 奇展, 志豪，卓安，小綠賢 :]
  
• back to 漁房 after 同樂會 ended. worked on pictures with 林志豪. (I) panicked and stressed and we ended up not sending it by 12:00. but he just sent it to me via msn not too long ago, and I submitted it... so I think we're good :]
  

today was wonderful : )

018

I can safely say that the English penmanship of most of the guys I've met at NTU surpasses the penmanship of my American guy classmates.

THIS IS SAYING SOMETHING.
And yes, I am talking to you. There is something fundamentally wrong when a person living in Taiwan, whose native language is not English, has better handwriting than you. Their grammar and vocabulary and sentence structure might not be half as strong as yours, but at least I can read what they're writing. It's not chicken scratch. It's clean. It's neat. What is wrong with you guys back home?

Shape up and write legibly. The editor-in-chief in me is coming out again... can't read, won't grade.

Let's then ignore the fact that it's is 2:10 AM and I am still writing this lab report. lalala byebye

017

我火大了

Dear girls sitting in the black SUV next to my mother's car on a Saturday evening,

Here's my rule that's been in effect since May 13th, 1994: no one picks on my brother unless I'm there to kick you following said incident. Especially not when he's studying American history, when you probably couldn't even locate California on a map. Considering the fact that I am halfway around the world right now in Taiwan (ooh, geography pop quiz! Is it a city? A capital? A flying teapot? EHHH, all wrong. Didn't think so.) and was not present when this happened, I believe you just broke my rules. Never mind that he auto-tunes his ears to deaf-mode when people like you are around. Lines are lines, and you do not cross mine.

I hope you all drive into a rut on the way home and step straight into knee-deep mud when trying to get out of the car :D May the worst of luck follow you wherever you go.

016

one thing I can't seem to get through my own head:

IT IS NOT FREAKING OKAY TO FAIL A MIDTERM

if someone wants to SLAP me and get this to me, I would really appreciate the wake-up call. next week seems closer every minute. honestly. WHY CAN'T I FOCUS. this is a skill I lost in year three of high school. I could sit at my desk and read without distraction (and by this, you all know I mean facebook or music, or just the internet in general) for upwards of three hours in year one and two. two is now a challenge for me. and three isn't even enough at this point. 李雙 WAKE UP.

/撞頭

(758pm)

if we aren't allowed to use a periodic table/calculator on this chemistry midterm ............
the room will be like an oven as a result of my fury.

also I would like to try 小木屋 sometime soon!

015

我終於把心裡的話說給同學聽了
到目前為止我心裡的為難都沒和台大的同學分享
說出來。。。感覺很不一樣

今天上僑生國文班，有個約旦來的學生上台說話
雖然看起來不想華人 她的中文還挺好的
她說前幾天上微積分課 她上課時在全班面前問問題
結果老師在全班面前笑她
說 "你們僑生都隨便進台大的，也不用怎麼的用功, 不想本地生需要非常非常的努力才有辦法來到這裡" 類似的

我們全班有些學生就火大了
有人說明天要去教室找老師修理他
當然不會有什麼暴力或怎樣 但我看班上同學的火氣 一定會進行報酬的動作

但我也沒怎麼在乎
我想是因為以前爸爸就跟我說過台大僑生通常都落在班後面幾民革
更要我努力讀書才有機會成功
國文課老師說我們應該用別的方式讓老師知道我們僑生進台大的過程 不是他想像的哪樣子
但我覺得 話說難聽一點 僑生進台大比本地生的確是容易了好幾倍
雖然在全班面前說是非常不對的行為 這個老師說的話 不完全是錯的

我害怕落後 害怕失敗 也害怕大家為我僑生身分討厭我
因為我下的功夫沒有本地生大 我卻還是有辦法站在這裡 當台大學生
其實我非常抱歉本地生 更想證明我是認真來到台灣讀書的
所以上次我寫了一片 PO 關於一位在我們班上的僑生 我才會這麼生氣
因為來到台大 對很多人來講 是一件非常了不起的事 他說得這麼隨便我真的沒辦法了解他的看法

所以我現在還在尋找我的家
我非常想和本地生成為好朋友
但 我是不是無法屬於你們這一界的人？

我好想要和人家聊聊這件事

014

I am feeling blue for no reason at all. I wish there was a word for this feeling. I think there is one, but I don't think it adequately describes the way I feel.

I guess I feel like I've failed. Even when every molecule in my body is telling me to get up and fight this until I can touch the finish line with my bare hands, I am feeling myself give up. What is giving up? It is looking at the sky and watching it rain on the sunniest day of the year.

The more I feel like giving up, the more I know I can't.
I am begging myself, myself, not to give up.

013

我今天終於了解為什麼我不想家了
現在回想高四下學期的過程, 其實和以前很好的朋友, 關係突然碎了
高二高三我能想到四位朋友, 我們感情都很好。
現在我發現 我已經完全不和三位有任何連絡了 如果上線都不聊天, 就算不是朋友我們對對方的表現也不會跟現在差多少
有兩位 可以說是吵架分開的 其中一位 我想把友情救回來也無可奈何 我做錯什麼 連現在我都還不太清楚 突然就停止沒有來往。道歉我已經說了好多次了也不知道我在道什麼歉 她不接受也不肯和我溝通, 結果由我另外一位朋友的幫忙, 我就放手了。

另外一位是我初中就認識的朋友。她是台北人，五年級才去美國讀初高中，目前在柏克萊讀書。我們兩個人的關係非常親切。我的祕密，我心上的難題，我都會跟她說。反過來，她也會跟我講她心上的事。我還記得有一天放學鬧了一件非常大的八卦，和男女關係有連把我搞得心裡亂七八糟傷痛的感覺，我走回家的路上哭著不停。我用手機打電話給她，她馬上把手邊忙的事放下來問我要不要她來我家我們慢慢的談。


吳慈庭小姐, Tiffany, Muffin, 妳算是我心裡非常寶貴的朋友! 這個我知道妳一定很清楚。我們家人也非常熱情，我們連聖誕節都一起過的，妳應該記得啊。但我們在一起的時間這麼多，我們為什麼永遠都吵架無法和好? 我現在回想我們高中過程 其實很傷心 妳送我的風鈴我有帶來台大 現在掛在我書桌旁邊 我記得妳說希望每次聽風鈴的聲音會想到妳，因為妳當初給我買時 你有想到我 我們一起解除難題，一起走過高中最難最費力的時刻 我不可能把我們的回憶全忘了 我知道妳一定覺得我把我們友情扔了 其實我還是非常想你非常愛妳的!!!

原來如此 因為回憶太痛苦了，因為我以前的過程，我無法面對! 為什麼我沒辦法面對呢?

我得多放開以前的碎片，從新開始把拼圖完成
不要老是和朋友玩捉迷藏, 拐彎抹角
我要勇敢一點 我要多保護我自己的心 可是別把門鎖起來
不然 關心我的好朋友要怎麼找到我?

012

what a stark contrast with my last post : (
批評人家並不是好事，但我對沒謙遜沒良心的人完全沒耐心，也不會對他們怎樣的客氣. 竟然敢對台大表出這種態度，對本地生非常沒有禮貌. 讓我覺得... 好煩喔!!! D:<


yesterday night, in chinese class, we spent three hours doing 自我介紹. one guy stood up and went to the front. he said "我回來台灣... 是因為要照顧我奶奶... oh, and 順便來讀書." everyone thought this was really funny and cracked up about it but in my head i was thinking that is so. much. bull. you talk like getting into NTU is just a side project alongside your endeavors to take care of your grandmother (which, by the way, i find incredibly difficult to believe. since when did this responsibility fall on your shoulders?). i don't think you realize how hard 本地生 work to get into this school, and you obviously fail to recognize the fact that YOU took a spot away from another qualified student who wanted to come here. if you don't care enough, why are you here? if you're here "just for the heck of it" and aren't going to take this experience seriously, NTU made a serious mistake in accepting you.

when asked to talk about his interests, his hometown, and his parents, he said, “我喜歡睡覺，吃東西，打瞌睡. okay. i'm done." when the teacher stopped him, he stood on the podium for five. FIVE. minutes arguing with the teacher about why he had to talk about his real interests. “為什麼我需要講？我的城市很無聊啊！沒事做！我也沒什麼喜歡做得." what? WHAT? everyone was laughing and people thought it was funny, but i was sitting there thinking this is a humongous waste of time.

i sound like a killjoy. honestly, i actually want to get something done in that class. obviously, you do not share this desire, because you wasted my time arguing about something that you could describe in THIRTY SECONDS. simple. what is wrong with you. WHY are you here when someone who deserves this spot MUCH MORE than you didn't get in.

011

I'm here, swinging in and out of equilibrium.
when I came home this evening, this is how I thought of today:
I'm noticing that the time I spend feeling down is slowly beginning to surpass the time I feel happy. it is a fact that I have every bit of potential I need to achieve the goals I've set for myself this year. but the fact that I'm not applying myself and not realizing how serious it is for me to keep my promises is turning the time i spend happy into a gloomy stupor.

delia told me that coming to college was a blank slate. I feel like I've already scratched it up and left traces of chalk along the edges, and school hasn't even been in session for a month yet. it's been three weeks, and I wish I was back at the starting line.

after pondering, you will be surprised how things can change:
yet at the same time, while I swing in and out of confidence, I am slowly doing my best to nurture the new personality I promised I would bring here. this afternoon, I was in one of my gloomy, stormy weather moods, one that my closest friends can recognize. when I ordered my lunch, the woman forgot I ordered, and people who came as late as ten minutes behind me got their food before I reminded her that I ordered. on top of a thoroughly confusing chemistry class, I was frustrated when I walked up to my room and there was a girl standing in middle of the hallway. in my head I wanted to tell her to get out of my way because everything felt so against me at the time ... of course I didn't!

I sat in my room, eating lunch, and I thought what a stupid thing to think: a hallway is for everyone, it's not for you. there are twenty-four hours every day. I can choose to spend them happily, or I can choose to waste them on anger and brooding thoughts. I can choose to appreciate what I have, or complain about what I don't, and forever feel unsatisfied. I can choose to take out frustration openly upon others, or I can choose to take a few deep breaths and slowly let out the steam, in small bursts, until I feel better.

nothing's ever as bad as it seems! it feels overwhelming at first, as everything new and uncertain and alien does, but in the end, I am still blessed, and I will appreciate that... because, as 品淨 would remind me, every day is a SPLENDID day! : )

我們大家一起加油吧!!

010

我覺得 我常常滿嘴不停的抱怨 說給別人聽
我發現我抱怨的事都是大家會經驗的事
‘我好累!’ ‘我肚子餓!’
‘為什麼功課這麼多! 老師也太過分了!'
別人可能拿的學分比我還多 不會說去這種話
別人可能連早餐都沒吃, 撐到中午 也不會說什麼

世界上有人沒東西吃 沒書唸
我已經這麼幸福了, 我還敢說這種話
我常常把這些掛在嘴上 不知不覺中它就會出現 冒出來
但 我覺得我這樣抱怨 好自私

也沒什麼好抱怨的啊! 這是一個很壞的習慣 一定要改喔, 雙雙～ learn to be less self-centered, and you will be much happier : )

009

今天爸爸打電話來 我有提到制服日的事情
爸爸說我穿建中制服好調皮
到最後不要只有我覺得有趣 其他人都不覺得好笑

T^T
有點掃興的感覺放在心上
我是不是太美國式了 ??
我以為會挺有趣啊
結果爸爸這樣說我開始懷疑

希望大家不要誤會我吧 ...
如果這樣不好我以後盡量不要玩這個咯 抱歉 @_@

p.s. 明天女排新生盃 !! 最後還是決定加入... 應該很好玩的 ^^"

008

我今天真不舒服
不知道為什麼今天覺得好寂寞心裡也好難過
好想在床上卷成小飯團 不出來
沒胃口也覺得全身很弱
下午有實驗課
晚上得 K書不然會落後
我好累

(5:55pm)

開始流鼻水了 喉嚨不痛但開始有怪怪的預感了 意思就是 我又要感冒了
我真的沒時間生病!!! 絕對不行 我這樣怎麼辦
p.s. claire you are sweet ♥ teaaaaa : )

(1:14am)

post-its aren't 環保.
tomorrow, i need to:

去水源市場買水果
去僑生辦公室拿英文卷
ask 怡靜 why i'm still on the roster for volleyball ..
get 1? 2? uniforms from various people : ) 漁房
go hunting for safety pins
DO LAUNDRY i am ridiculous what is this
圖書館
check my mailbox (again) because kasey's letter is taking EONS to get here
talk to joyce (or at least leave her endless amounts of offline messages) because the woman won't talk to me :<
get better and drink water and rest

SPEAKING OF WHICH why am i not in bed. goodnight!

007

today
library with 宸儀
stoichiometry?
lunch with 宸儀 ｜ 鐵板燒 has never surprised me more. it's... a porcelain plate. but 白香果冰沙 :D
back to library with 宸儀 | I TOOK A NAP AGAIN. i need to stop falling asleep after lunch.
more stoichiometry
library with 玥文 | she came in and walked right past me :'(
almost breaking my arm because of abovementioned('s) 微積分課本 | seriously... just drop the stuff about applications to the real world (i never read them anyway!) and that book would be pounds lighter. people stared at me as i walked back shifting my laptop and books from hand to hand every few steps
宅 ～
預報

tomorrow
品淨 comes back, yo : )
library with 宸儀
possibly lunch with 宸儀
studystudystudystudystudy like it's the end of the world

also i am feeling sluggish/extremely counterproductive
can someone kill the internet so i can actually claim to be studying

006

today was not a good day.

1. i woke up tired this morning with 熊貓眼 and i found out that i took delia's ochem binder by accident when i took her old textbooks from her locker last night. i skipped breakfast and ran to 魚房 to give it back to her, then went straight to chemistry.

2. i sat through chemistry in a daze. i didn't fall asleep but i wasn't exactly in the best shape for learning stoichiometry. everything was kind of a blur for two hours.

3. 服務學習 took until 1:30 and after not eating lunch, i was pretty hungry, but more thirsty. i ordered 飯 to go, but the woman gave it to me for 內用, and they looked so busy that i didn't want to ask for it otherwise. i ate at 大一女 but i couldn't finish it and ended throwing about 1/4 of it away.

4. i took a nap at my desk after lunch (around 2:45) and woke up at 3:31. i seriously jumped out of my seat thinking OH MY GOD i am late for class i am late for class i am late for class and i called my dad and i almost cried because i've never skipped class before. i ended up skipping first period and sneaking in during second. no one said anything but i still felt pretty terrible.

5. it started drip-dropping on the way to calculus and i prayed it would not rain. calculus, as usual, was incomprehensible. as always, i still need to painstakingly read the textbook on my own.

6. i went to the neighboring calculus course (whose teacher uses an english textbook) and was about to ask if i could join his class instead, when the person asking a question before me asked it and he threw out a very (rushed? impatient?) NO and stalked out of the classroom. thankfully, i wasn't the one who was yelled at (thank you, random boy who asked that question for me), but now i'm stuck with a chinese textbook for good.

7. my prayers failed. it's raining when i come outside, and because i left my umbrella at my dorm on my (late) way out to class, i ran from 新生大樓 all the way back to 大一女 without one. i came home wet and even though i took off my clothes and changed, i really hope there's not a cold coming.

8. two plant lab conclusions are due tomorrow and... and everything's in chinese.

thus,

TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER : )

005

so, a few things:

• I'm sitting in B1 of the NTU library right now and about ten minutes ago, there were two guys sitting facing me on the other side of the wall separating our desks ... and I didn't even notice them until they started shooting me looks. That part was pretty awkward. In addition, the guy on the left looked like (yes, another) Nichkhun-look-alike.
• Our chemistry lab TA that I've been dreadfully afraid of approaching used a "^^" in an e-mail to me. I am content. Not to mention pretty happy about something as simple as an emoticon.
• LS bbq tomorrow + overseas freshmen 宿營 this weekend. I guess it's a good start.
• Studying is stressful. I sit here for hours and I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing. Which is why I'm going to stop here and go read more chemistry.

(11:55 pm)

cheeeeeemistry

cheeeeeemistry (lab)

biiiiiiology

biiiiiiology (lab)

let me keysmash please :( blashfgjvmfslkf

004

chemistry.

i'm seriously this close to crying.

how can i be five problems in... and not understand how to do four of them.

did i mention this is only chapter two and it's been an hour.

/哭

(8:28 pm)

i called my dad while i was eating dinner to 抱怨 because i sat at my desk for two hours studying chinese and chemistry and after those two hours, i still felt like i accomplished absolutely nothing. it's really not a good feeling.

also, today in chemistry, we watched two videos, to which our professor typed up four questions to answer while we watched. i prayed that it'd be in english only to have it handed to me and have ALL FOUR be in chinese. if i didn't have my macbook with me, i would have panicked, but thankfully i brought it to class today. before the TA started the video i hurriedly typed all the words i didn't understand into google translate and managed to translate all four into questions i could sufficiently understand before the important parts of the video came up.

i ended up answering the questions half in english and half in chinese. honestly i didn't like my answers because they weren't exactly thorough, but i did the best i could, considering both videos were 100% in chinese (with a small clip from national geographic that was in english... but compared to the big picture, that was negligent). i have never been so terrified of going to class. sigh sigh~

003

This evening I had dinner at 大一女's building B food court. I ordered what I always order on any given night: 豬排 or 雞排, 蓋飯. I ordered 泡菜豬肉 tonight and I'm not going to lie, it was vraiment délicieux. Mmmm, yummy :)

Anyway, while I was eating, I looked around the room, and spotted a couple sitting not too far from me. The girl had a laptop on the table, and since I could see the screen I could tell she was on Facebook. Both her hands were placed on the keyboard, concentrating on the screen as she scrolled through her (or perhaps his?) newsfeed. Meanwhile, the guy had his arm around her neck, and pulled her towards him every five or ten seconds to peck her cheek or fondle her neck or something to that effect. It became obvious that he was doing his best to talk to the girl, because he'd break out into laughter every few seconds, pull her towards him, kiss her cheek: repeat about three or four times per ten minutes.

Meanwhile, I was surprised to see the girl had little to no reaction to what her boyfriend was doing. Her hands didn't contact his: they were still steadily scrolling through her newsfeed, her eyes on the screen, hardly communicating with him at all. The guy kept it up, and eventually I guess he got tired, because he stopped talking and his hand fell to her waist, where it stayed, while he looked on at her doings online, obviously getting bored.

I thought about how that couple must have formed. I could imagine the guy trying to woo her, and her finally giving in. I couldn't help but think the guy was acting this way because he had an idea of the kind of girl he was dating: and either didn't think he could measure up or was trying too hard to keep her because she was such a "catch." It made me reminisce (not happily) on one of my past relationships, something similar to this, now that I look back and analyze what happened. I looked at the couple with a sort of annoyance: not so much that they were being all lovey-dovey, but because the lovey-doveyness was so mismatched and the guy was trying way too hard to get something that very obviously won't belong to him in a while. It's only a matter of time.

Maybe 宸儀 is right.

002

今天晚上吃葡萄柚～ 大學時水果一定要多吃，不然很容易就吃公館和台大美食街好吃的，忘了營養還是得補充。

Tomorrow morning is my first official college class... chemistry 1009, followed by an afternoon chemistry 1010 lab. Ah, we shall see... I promise I won't get lost, or if I do, I'll go extra early so I'm not late.

001

I wrote this for myself a few days ago. Now that I think of it... 愛護 should be 愛惜... but that's okay. It's the three things I need most in college. It's the three things that are forever going to keep me happy.